The Vending Machine!

you get ketchup

i insert my tired-ness

 

you get me offering coffee

I insert detachment

 

you get reality

i insert an illusion

 

A mirror pops out.

I insert a vantablack shirt.

 

You get a vantawhite shirt.

I insert a dolphin.

 

A huge bucket of water comes out.

I insert a marrow.

 

you get a watermelon

I insert the speed of light

 

You get a damn good song!

I insert a goat.

 

You get a ticket for the zoo.

I insert a package of ramen noodles.

 

you get a kettle of boiling water

I insert a glacier

 

A Dasani bottle pops out!

I insert a bowl of cereal.

 

You get mornings

I insert potato salad

 

you get baked potatos

I insert Caesar salad

 

You get the Caesar. Make sure he doesn't die

Inserts the New California Republic

 

You get the new lunar republic!

I insert donald trump

 

you get a toupee

I insert an orange

 

You get an Oompa Loompa.

I insert a mechanical pencil.

 

you get frustration as the lead snaps every other second

I insert sentient AI

 

You get World War III

I insert all meh-ness in this world

 

you get Malphast

I insert PS238