This or That?

Paper; writing on plastic is too difficult.

Being hit 100 times with a tiny hammer, or once with a really big hammer?

 

Cake hammock; sounds comfy.

A sarcastic sofa, or an overbearing microwave?

 

Sarcastic sofa.

Tables or chairs?

 

Chairs; you get told off for sitting on tables.

Surround sound or high definition picture?

 

Surround sound, I'm an audio junkie

Root Beer or Cream Soda?

 

Well, Scarecrows aren't full of sweets, but they are sometimes magic, so I think they're probably more useful.

A gun rack or a severed head?

 

Ice cream headache, 'cause I least I got to have ice cream first.

An itch you can't scratch, or an inconveniently positioned paper-cut?

 

Playdoh; It's way more colourful.

Duvet or blanket?

 

Butter; can't have buttercream icing without butter.

Living without internet, or being perpetually followed by a cockney orphan who steals your stuff?

 

Hmm, Little and cute; you can get away with a lot more.

Jazz flutist or thereminist?

 

Regular mermaid, the reverse one would have to stay under water all the time, on account of the gills. And she'd be slower.

Badger or raccoon?

 

Soft nose; only dogs should have cold noses.

Crushed to death by freshly baked bread, or drowned in chocolate milk?