^ Runs everything he types through a redaction programme. > Is fairly sure everyone likes pizza, and does count himself as a member of the collective known as 'everyone'. v Doesn't.
^ Should have paid for the optional badger protection treatment. > Was once, but stopped being one when Simon Cowell became their king. v Is a badger.
^ Shouldn't have filled up on pickles before the contest. > Will do one better! *conjures up a toilet* v Will hold his hair back?
^ Is experienced in matters most chundery. > Will make soup, if we're sure that's the best thing for this situation? v Will hang around making small talk, to take his mind off it?
^ Doesn't know how to talk about the weather. > Talks in various scales, to keep things interesting. v Steals peoples hats then throws them under buses.
^ Is right; has wings; therefore must be a right wing extremist! > Has apparently been left behind again! v Will come back and pick me up?
^ Is very generous with the lift-giving. > Always needs money for gasses. Favours Nitrous Oxide. v Has declared war on a very specific species of palm tree.
^ Is right > will destroy all of the specific type of palm trees v Will get the flamethrowers and incendiary weapons
^ Is waging a war of attrition against them trees. > Has them in the boot of his car. v Will have a post number of over 9000!
