It's weird how much opinions can change over the years. About 5-6 years ago, i was one of them people who played pokemon games competitively online on Nintendo DS through WiFi. I was also a co-admin of a forum related to all that, so you could say it was a pretty big part of my life back then. At the time i imagined myself doing that for like, the next 10 years if not longer. And later that year the forum died due to inactivity and my interest in pokemon games pretty much died with it. That's when i learned: "Don't make plans in life and just wing it!" :derpe:
A full year ago. Is nothing I'd like to remember. Half a year ago. felt like the king of the universe. Now. Well life sure is funny. Bringing the last year to visit me.
One Year Ago: Nothing much had changed in music, all the same stuff No day Job in between music Mounting bill & debt problems One Year On: Signed to one of the biggest labels & DJed some amazing gigs both UK & in Canada Still no day job in between music Debt now under a management firm, but still get the odd trouble
I'm going to go a little more than one year ago because that's when I started college which is clearly a major turning point. A year and a couple of months ago, I was kind of a wreck. Family issues consumed me and I took it out on my friends by being overly paranoid and all around unpleasant. I came to be anti-social and I was nervous 24/7 about something or another. I was so unhappy and so terrified about starting college because I had never even visited the school and still wasn't convinced that pursuing History and Archaeology was a valid way to spend my time and money. I had a lot of friends, but I'm sure they'd tell you that I spent too much time blaming myself for everything and drowning in my own self-pity. I had recently lost a good friend and it was a really dark time. I refused to accept help from anyone and essentially pushed people away who genuinely liked having me around. Today is completely different. I'm strong, confident and happy. My school is the perfect fit for me. It's challenging and the people here are just as nerdy as I am. I've learned to not let pain consume me and to try and be positive. I'm not paranoid for the most part, granted I have my slip ups every now and then (who doesn't?) With the help of a few wonderful people, as well as strength I managed to find within myself, I've let myself be happy. I've also become more involved with the internet, especially this forum, which sounds kind of lame from the outside, but the internet is filled with people who appreciate the same things I do whether it's History or My Little Pony. So basically I went from miserable to entirely content in a little over one year. It's amazing what can change in a year if you believe in yourself enough to make things happen.
Oh, this is going to be a long one. Heh. One year ago in the month of August I was, for the most, relatively content. I mean, my parents were always yelling at me over grades, I was always stressed out, etc., but compared to the storm that was to come, yeah, I guess I could say I was content. I was fifteen then, and, well, I was questioning a lot about myself. Yes, including sexuality. Through a bizarre set of events that not even I fully understand, and that I don't want to go into detail with, I eventually came to the conclusion that I was, well, bisexual and wound up in my first relationship ever with another guy (it was long distance, however). I thought I was happy, but it didn't take me long to realize that, well, my boyfriend was an abusive *squee!*, yelling at me when I did anything HE didn't want, or talking to anyone he didn't like, or basically not being in communication with him 24/7. So after months and months of my life absorbed in this terrible relationship, I finally dumped him and moved on. This relationship had, however, led to depression and suicidal thoughts. The fact that he kept contacting me to tell me it was all my fault and that I was worthless really didn't help. Now a year later I find ponies. And though that doesn't seem that significant (show did cheer me up, still was overall depressed), it led me to find the Brony community, initially via Ponychan. There, I met some of the most amazing friends (and ultimately a new boyfriend!) and for a month or so (last month) I was actually... pretty happy, in comparison to last year! However, recently I've been feeling really down. Worthless. Pathetic. Like I can't live up to the expectations of my friends or boyfriend, or anyone I know for that matter. I'm afraid I'll let everyone down. I just feel, frankly, depressed again. Its moodswings, really. I'll be happy one moment and then extremely lonely and depressed the next. Sorry, just thought I'd share.
