ALATBSOL, an addendum

So, in my last blog entry I explained why the phrase "always look at the bright side of life" can be so upsetting. After some critique (outside of Everypony that is), something new came to light. As I wrote the last entry, my mind had been back at the site of misery called Facebook where my familial relationships were starting to come under fire because of opposing views and ideals.

It went like this; under the assumption of freedom of expression I wanted to raise awareness about the system we're living in being unsustainable, to propose a possible alternative and (very naively) hope that people will have the open-mindedness and curiosity to do their own research on it. This alternative basically being a system that is designed from the ground up to not only be sustainable but also to create an environment that is conducive to the bio-psycho-social health of human beings through science and empirical practices. What happens is I speak out about these things where the proposal is dismissed without thought by way of assumptions that are now scientifially untennable such as the deterministic human nature argument or that the only thing to blame are bad people who choose to be bad. As I talk about the system's flaws and what can be expected from it, it's here that they use the phrase; as a means to silence me. So basically what my personal experience with the phrase is "put your focus on the bright side so you can just shut up already".

It turns out that the phrase was never meant to disempower but just the opposite in fact. Though I'll try to explain it from a practical perspective because everyone else has done the poetry already.
This phrase, if used correctly, can empower and encourage the individual to mobilize, often in the context of facing a setback or failure. Mobilization requires motivation, it's really that simple. Now the question becomes "what's the point"? Out of a reflex, the bulk of us are sure to focus our attention on the problems. Nothing wrong with that. At least you know something's wrong and acknowledge that whatever you had been doing isn't working. That's called sanity. If you are fcusing your attention on the problems in order to find a solution there, it shows that you have a determination to see the problem solved.

But now what if you aren't finding a solution in the problems? In this particular situation, looking at the problems is no longer helpful. It is here that I tend to give in to despair and act out my frustration somehow. I wish to stay mobilized but I'm not going anywhere. Having that determination is a good thing but my attention is stuck in the wrong place. Having exhausted my options looking at the problems, it is here that it makes sense to look at the bright side but not as a means of ignoring the problems but instead to explore new and different possibilities. Problem solving is somthing people naturally like to do, especially when they seeit as something that concerns them. Trial and error is an unfortunately frustrating but inherent part of that process and that process is inhibited if we close ourselves to different ways of approaching and looking at things.

But then... What if nothing can be done? That you gave it your best but there really is no way of getting the problem resolved? Then there might be a lesson to be learned. That maybe you didn't succeed but at least you will not let this experience go to waste and instead put it to good use in the future. That th next time you get faced with a similar problem, that this previous experience you've had can give you better insight to be more adept and resourceful in tackling the situation. Perhaps this experience can give you insight in other situations. What I'm getting at is, even if you did fail before, the experience is a potential gold mine of of insight. To exploit this, you just cannot afford to narrow your perspective.

Breaking it all down it means that staying immobilized isn't getting one anywhere and to not leave a single stone unturned. Even when that turns up nothing, what you are left with is an experience; something that could well be even more valuable.

The point is, the phrase is too vague and prone to misinterpretation. Motivational posters sell on being applicable to as general a situation as possible and what happens is that we get oversimplified phrases and slogans. Even worse is when people quote these things at any opportunity they find or to talk you down with them to try and immobilize you, giving an indication that they might not know what they're talking about. When someone is hurting because of something, don't just blindly quote phrases but be deliberate, be precise, tell that person exactly what you mean and leave no room for interpretation. After all, the reason people give in to despair is because they're not seeing a way out. Maybe they do have it in them to see things through after all but they're just not seeing it at that moment and they're certainly not going to see it when being talked down to in a condescending fashion. The better approach is to take a compassionate tone and encourage them to stay the hand they judge themselves with, to remove the shame, that there is nothing wrong with them, that removing themselves from their intense state of focus might help them to look at routes they may have not seen before. Welcome that person in your presence and just talk. The brain doesn't solve problems as well under stress. But don't insult their potential and capabilities; not even implicitly.