Alcoholism

Dude I want you to know everypony here supports you! Keep your head up comrade.

I've lived with an alcoholic before (diffferent situation), so I know how it can be. I've had many alcoholics in my family as well, and you are right about him being the only one who can save himself. Just be supportive and love him as best you can, and my brother and I will be here to lift you up when you need it!

Right, just know that in the end it's his decision you can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink... Well in this case make him not drink.

Yeah, thanks guys; I know he'll be back to normal at some point, so it could be worse (exhibit A: My alcoholic grandfather who killed himself), but it still sucks. I Appreciate the support.

Anytime, you're our buddy!

I've come pretty close to becoming an alcoholic myself, and I still find myself wanting to drink my problems away almost every day.

I guess I would suggest suggest riding it out for now, and then having a long time with him about why he drinks when he sobers up.

Do you know why he drinks at all?

Believe me, I have. Several times.

He's got problems to deal with, sure, but so does everybody else; what's so frustrating is that his drinking just exacerbates them. It puts him in a mindset where everything suddenly becomes an insurmountable obstacle, which just drives him to drink more, and eventually the physical dependency kicks in too. It's a vicious cycle, and one he seems unable to break.

Basically the only good choice for an alcoholic is total abstinence, but he can never manage it for long. He doesn't start drinking to deal with his problems, he starts because he wants to and thinks that he can, and he'll keep it under control for a while before it invariably puts him into the mindset I mentioned before.

I've not known many alcoholics, but I've known some tobacco addicts. It's a horse of a different color, to be sure, but one thing that helped my friend quit smoking was to chew gum and spit sunflower seeds. I'm no expert, but has your dad ever tried replacing alcohol with something else habitual? Could help a bit, maybe. I dunno.

Yeah, a replacement habit is a recognised technique, and one I have thought about, it's just trying to find something suitable, ya know?

I think with smoking, a lot of it is trying to keep you hands busy, as well as dealing with the nicotine cravings; as you say, some small repetitive task to replace the habit of lighting a cigarette and smoking. But I think with alcoholism, it's more about occupying your mind; something you can focus on. Boredom and free time seem to be two of the biggest triggers for a relapse.

I think that makes sense; I wish you and your father well and I hope he can make some progress on his alcoholism in the future.

From what I've seen, a lot of people turn to alcoholism because of depression.
I think the best replacement for alcohol might be therapy, or at least a support group.

I wouldn't recommend AA, but there are plenty of other groups.

The problem is trying to get him to do anything about it; once he's recovered and is back on an even keel, he has a tendency to just ignore the problem until it arises again. I know he's been to AA, but found it too preachy, and he's a pretty private guy, so I think he just generally didn't like it, but I agree it might be worth looking into alternatives. I think the method that was most successful was hypnotherapy, so it could be worth giving that another shot too.

That's all going to have to wait until he's stopped again though, and I don't think he's going to until he hits rock bottom this time. I really tried to help him today, but he's still slipping further I think.

I was going to suggest finding out why he drinks, helping him get past it then getting him off his physical dependency.

Seeing as he's a bit of a private guy you'd need to make him feel like he can let his guard down so you can talk about what it is that bothers him so much.
Give him some space when he needs it, reassure him that he is important and that his problems worth talking about.
Try to see things from his perspective and sympathize with him then help him get past his problems and issues by helping him find a solution to them.

That's my 2 cents anyway.

That would be the most logical course of action, and that's pretty much exactly what happens every time he picks himself back up. You'll have a really good talk about it, get everything out in the open and then he'll be fine for months, then seemingly out of nowhere it'll all come crashing down again. It gets pretty exhausting for everyone involved.

Hmm... there must be some kind of underlining issue still not being addressed. What that is I don't know, but I'd keep at it till you find out. It may be the actual physical dependency to which I'd suggest rehab or slowly reducing his intake somehow.

Perhaps I should have been more clear. The cycle goes:

1. Totally sober 1 - 6 months (This is good. Everybody likes this bit.)
2. Moderate drinking, maybe a bit on the weekend, usually hidden from everyone 1 week - 1 month (This is bad, but difficult to detect. I have helped him turn it around at this point a couple of times.)
3. Heavy drinking to the point of incapacitation 1 week (This is the worst bit for everyone but him, and not much can be done once he's reached this point)
4. Recovery and return to step 1 1 - 2 weeks (This is the worst bit for him, and the main reason he can quit for so long)

Physical dependency only kicks in between steps 2 and 3, what needs to be done is to stop him from ever getting to step 2. Step 2 happens because it's been long enough that step 4 is no longer fresh in his mind, and he thinks that this time it will be ok. It's not because he's trying to deal with anything, it's because at one point going to the pub was a big part of his life, and he misses it. Once he's at stage 2, that's when any problems that arise at work or whatever tip him over into step 3.