Just pouring myself onto the page again

Oh man, what am I getting myself into now? Seems like something always brewing that pushes me towards a change of some sort. Something's always off somehow. What I think is happening is that it's becoming more clear to me what is it I want out of life, how I wish to live. What I think is happening is that I'm looking at the very same thing that I've been looking at in recent years but it's like the picture starts out blurry and suddenly it becomes more crisp as the resolution improves and new details just suddenly catch my attention. Last night I got pretty upset because the right speaker of my headphones stopped working. Doesn't seem like a big deal to you but not only is this my second headphone since I've started going to college for nearly three complete years now but at the same time it's gone through two fixings. The first was to replace the wire and audio jack with one from a stereo cable so the wire connecting from the computer to the headphones are quite sturdy. Last weekend the cushions at the speakers are wearing out pretty severely where the left cushion fell off where it became pretty impossible to put it back so it was glued back on (which I thought was a pretty bad idea) and now this happens. I'm likely to have to open this thing up again and will surely have to rip off the left cushion, probably damaging it to try and fix the problem. What I will tell you is this; I absolutely refuse to buy new headphones. I have had it with buying things over and over and over, gah! I feel like I'm being looted! In just the past few months the fridge had to be replaced, giving it a lifespan of two and a half years which is just absurd. Last week the fan needed replacing because it just wouldn't spin. Planned obsolescence is a ***** and one I'm starting to get more determined to kick in the sack.

Sigh... OK, you're probably wondering what this has to do with figuring out what I want in life. Well, to be free from this insanity we ironically call an economy. Economics is originally defined as household management which I can phrase as the practices and processes that go into preserving a healthy environment for its inhabitants. It's why we tidy up our homes and restock on food and other necessary supplies to avoid an interruption of such processes and practices due to a supply shortage. If you're familiar with RTS games, the whole point of continually acquiring resources is to prevent interruptions of your operations as well as the preservation of your armies and bases for as much as possible. Okay so the RTS analogy can be applied to this conventional economic model but there's a crucial difference between it and managing your own household; the preservation of a healthy environment. The operations of the conventional economy is about the movement of currency and the system's only getting better at doing that. Look at what's happening; our environment's getting more and more poisoned, whole ecosystems are failing, climate destabilization becoming a reality as a result of our economy's ecologically irresponsible practices, landfills are getting bigger, even life resources such as clean water becoming more scarce. The planet is our home and just look at how terribly its life-supporting resources and systems are being preserved. This is not an economy in the true sense, this is madness, this is suicide. I can only hope that the message becomes clear to people sooner or later; the circulation of money is completely and utterly decoupled from the preservation of systems and resources necessary for human life and a different practices need to be develop that are better suited to take on such a complex endeavor.

My umbilical cord needs to be plugged elsewhere and this market economy is not my best bet. Unfortunately it's the only thing in my immediate environment, especially as more land is being taken up. I want to be free from planned obsolescence, free from consumerism and free from a system where I need fancy-looking paper to secure my life's needs. If there's anywhere I need to use the full extent of my wits, creativity, resourcefulness and adaptability for problem solving, it's here.