Reached An Understanding

This is about my recent upset. I've been talking to friends privately about the matter that really helped. You have my gratitude. That's really the best I can put it.

What I've been doing is giving more to the community than what I really have. At the height of it, I'd been welcoming newcomers, helping those in need, putting people's fears to rest by talking sense and bringing up ideas and projects to bring people closer together. More subtly I'd been radiating myself as such a reassuring being by giving myself avatars that did just that as well as regularly posting in the D'awww thread. I see all of those as having an effect on the community as a whole. I want to see this EP become a community that thrives like something even I would not have dreamed of. As a community of bronies, I believe the potential for that is there and I was going to work to see it brought out.

At one point, it was getting exhausting but still I pushed through. What I didn't realize was that this should have been taken as a red flag so I can let myself relax. Not only did I not know that I was going to burn myself to ashes but I just didn't want to stop. The reason for that being that all I did for EP did draw some admiration in my direction, something that felt new to me and something I wanted to hold onto. Tightly.

What I'm going to do about it is taking it easy here. Not to give more than I can afford to give. I'm sure that I will lose and miss that sense of recognition in time but... the alternative would be to completely destroy myself. That sense of duty is something I should let go of. It's one reason why I've been shying away from becoming staff since I knew that the greater responsibility as well as that sense of duty will end in me getting crushed in an instant. I also need to stop thinking that this whole community rests on only my shoulders. Yeah, it sounds pretty silly, I know.

So with that, you can rest assured that I can finally allow myself to really start recovering.