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Why the hell? I've spoken to a great deal of people in the short time I've been here and i have noticed one thing Too many people are hurting, and too few people do anything. WHY! What in God's green earth is wrong with some people? Can't people SEE when someone is hurting. Can't someone SEE that they're hurting others? I can't stop shaking...Not because i'm sad...oh no....I'm PISSED I've seen people hurt, I've seen people cry, I've seen people Die, I've done things i'm not proud of, but I don't care about that! Why why WHY? why is that the only thing that comes to mind? Why are they hurting? Why can't they see they're hurting others? Why are so many good people hurting? Next time someone snaps at you, in person, or on here, on Facebook, or on Twitter, i don't care, think, for 5 seconds, think! this one question, Are they okay? I've seen so much animosity created out of the primitive desires to inflict pain on someone else... WTF?!?!? Why have we not moved from this! There it is again, the why! I can't stop asking these, people tell me to just live with it, that it isn't my problem... NO!!! I refuse to live in a world where everyone is out to hurt or be hurt.... Good lord, heh, that's a funny thought for another time. Back on topic.... What is wrong wit people... My friends don't deserve to hurt...and buck it i'm being selfish again, and i'm sure i'll hurt allot of people on this... I'M SICK OF HURTING TOO! Every day i go into chat, i'm as happy and cheery as i can possibly muster...then i see people hurting... and if you read my last blog then you'll get this... I ask them if they're okay, and they say "yeah i'm fine" STOP LYING! I am not that stupid, and i can promise your friends aren't either. So i leave you with this, Next time you feel the animosity, the resentment, the hatred, the Revenge, stop and think "are they hurting?"
I would usually make some kind of introduction, but i highly doubt it matters anymore, mostly considering this post will probably not be viewed. So with that i'll start, Am i the only one? The only one out there who is sick of seeing the same, exact, consistent facade that i see everyone play? I suppose elaboration is in order. See I'm sick of seeing people display this shallow mono-dimensional aspect around me, the side of them that isn't them that isn't real, that isn't raw, it's just there to keep me happy. I'm sick of seeing people constantly ask me "are you OK " but i always have to say "i'm fine" when just once i want them to say that i legitimately matter to them, and no. I don't want people to tell me that, i want them to exude it. See to me, when people ask "are you OK?" they don't actually want you to tell them no, they only want to be able to say that they asked. I say that i want people to exude the idea that i matter to them, and i wish i could say i was asking too much, but i do things like that for people all the time. Example Today, literally TODAY, one of my friends looked sad, so i asked him what was wrong. He told me that another friend of mine's mom had literally grounded her from having a birthday! So within a two hour time period i got some birthday banners, made ram-an noodles (her favorite), Got some cake stuff, and made it back and threw her a party. Her presents are what made her happy though, I gave her a geode (favorite rock), and gave her boyfriend a ladybug that was embroidered with obsidian studs, golden legs, and diamond eyes, just to give to her. Now here are the 2 funny parts 1. Both of those things i didn't just go and buy, they were childhood treasures, the geode was from Tennessee, and the ladybug was a gift from my step-mother, whom my father beat daily, and as her parting gift, she gave me that ladybug... 2. This isn't my girlfriend, in fact, we're probably closer to acquaintances So why did i do it? Because i just wanted to see her be happy, and not sad on the one day of the year that was hers. I didn't bring this up so that i could brag, or to bring others down, i am just upset, because on my birthday, i thought if i didn't mention it, it would feel nice to not have to, right? Wrong, no-one, not a single person remembered my birthday, my mother, my father, and my sister. That's it. My best friend didn't, i don't know why it still stings but it does! I just get sick of feeling used, alone, and overall, tired of not feeling like i matter. I don't ask people for things, just as i don't them, I want them just to attempt something. Call me whiny, obnoxious, selfish, or idiotic, i just want to feel like if i died... someone would notice. I don't want to be forgotten, i don't want people to hurt, but i'm sick of cutting my heart out and wrapping it up, and no one offering to pay for the surgery to put it back in. I'm just sick of the cold pit in my stomach, and then people have the audacity to ask about if i'm doing OK? No, I'm not alright, i'm not fine, in fact, the scars on my arms are starting to hurt, my family is falling apart again, my arms and legs are twitching more, my black-outs are more frequent, my sanity is deteriorating with every day in this redundant existence, i watch mlp to keep my mood up, i am 50% clinically insane, and my emotional repercussions to all of these stimuli are making me into an emotional train-wreck, Lastly, just to top it all off, my emotions are in such complete conflict that my mind has begun to create another personality just to keep them separate. I don't know what else to say. I just want to feel needed, because its chipping away at me, so again i ask. Am i the only one?
