Separate names with a comma.
We've all seen them. Be it at a social gathering, or within your family, we all know there are plenty of different types of drunks on the drunk spectrum. I've decided to throw together this handy guide, to help you go drunk-watching at your next social event.
-The Horn Dog
As the name implies, these drunks are there, not to hang out with friends, not to get so drunk they forget what real life is, but to get some tail. This drunk comes in a variety of shapes, sizes and genders, and should probably be avoided. This specimen is known to carry diseases deadly to other drunks.
Be on the lookout for *squee!*ty pickup lines, impressive lies, and pseudo-sexy clothes.
-The Hellbent on Destruction
Anything for a good time. With no ability to make decisions, this drunk will often keep drinking until they pass out, they run out of money, or the bouncer throws them out of the bar. This creature also has a strange habit of drunk texting his or her significant other, making their morning hangover extremely awkward.
Almost always female, this type of drunk is good at one thing: Crying. They'll come up with any reason to do it after a few shots, be it a recent break-up, or their pants being on too tight. The best method for dealing with this drunk is to give them some food, or let them keep drinking until they fall asleep.
-The Happy Drunk
Drunk, goofy, and giggly. This is the most refreshing drunk out there. Down to dance, listen to music, or whatever, this race of drunks is the easiest to approach for most people. They may try to be your new best friend, but that's a little better than sobbing on your shoulder, and significantly better than our final entry...
Always a young male. Avoid at all costs. This drunk is loud, obnoxious, arrogant, and always looking for a fight. They're never very good at fighting, thinking having big arms is a good substitute for skill, and always being blackout drunk when they step up, but it can be exhausting to deal with either way. When they go into their strange battle mode, they will take anything and turn it into a reason to start a brawl, even eye contact. They never swing until they make sure all their fellow dudebros are watching. The dudebro yelling at his friends to pay attention to him is a great indication that a fight is about to begin.
Observe from afar when drunk-watching. Do not wander too close, and do not speak with them.
So, there's my list of the most interesting types of drunks. What category do you fall into? What are your favorite kinds of drunks that I didn't mention? Let me know down below!
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So a couple days ago, my aunt was in town for a visit. I should preface this by saying this woman likes to drink. Like, if you've seen me start downing drinks, you know I can outdrink near anyone here, but this woman can outdrink me.
Anyway. After a while, she has me go down to the liquor store to buy her a 12-pack of her favorite beer, Miller Lite. She knocks it out in under a half hour.
She sent me back out to get her a bottle of Jack, which she killed in like an hour and a half. Woman was barely even buzzed. Drinks alcohol like it's water on a daily basis, so I guess it makes sense, but damn, she shouldn't even have a liver left, drinking like that.
This pattern continued for about six more trips, until finally I snapped, "Holy *squee!*, what more do you need?!"
She looked me dead in the eye, stone-faced, and replied, "I need about tree fiddy."
Well, it was about that time I noticed my aunt was about eight stories tall, and was a crustacean from the Paleozoic era! God damn Loch Ness Monster got me again!
Hands are basically sea monsters, and fingers are the tentacles. Bruh.
Totally said I would do this, then forgot. Just a quick rundown of all the users who have a character in the banner, so the new kids all know who's kings around here, yo. And in an effort to keep us from ever being nameless horses atop the site. >~>
@A Jewel of Rarity
@Rockout E. Stringer
@Toaster Repair Pony
@Tyro The Fox
Well, my gramma finished up her chemo and radiation recently. Cancer = gone. She's doing a lot better, which I dare say is miraculous, and words can't express how glad I am. She was technically supposed to have passed by now, but she was all, "*squee!* that!"
Sorry for the hyperactivity evident here, I'm just so, so happy I haven't lost her. A few drinks were in order as well. This is cause for me to celebrate. Not sad drinks, happy drinks!
So this happened. Never thought my town was so rough, but hey. I was walking down the street last night, listening to music, going to buy a snack from a store that's a few blocks from my house. Some guy walks by, and I glance at him because, hey, another person! This guy gets in my face and starts yelling, saying he didn't like the way I looked at him. I went to walk away, wanting nothing to do with this idiot. Suddenly, he pulled out a knife and tried to cut me. I managed to disarm him and scare him off, but I was a little shaken up. I did proceed to get my Funyuns, however, and I kept his switchblade. I told my mom about it this morning. After a while, she made a few calls, and informed me that I will be moving in with my auntie and my uncle in Bel-Air. I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said fresh, and there were dice in the mirror...
(Peladophobian tribute? *shrugs*)
Before we start, I advise you to get a calculator because... we're about to add *squee!* up.
Chihuahuas have 2 eyes.
You need to be 21 to drink Salty Chihuahua.
But wait, there must be more to this, right?
I don't know, but let's find out.
9+10 is 19 but also 21.
21 is 20 numbers away from 1.
Mischaracterizations has 20 letters.
Characters. My Little Pony has characters.
Princess Celestia controls the sun.
Sun. Sun has 3 letters.
Triangles have 3 sides.
Illuminati is a triangle.
Princess Celestia has eyes.
Illuminati has an eye.
Princess Celestia rules Equestria, just like the illuminati rules the world.
Princess Celestia created the 9+10 joke to distract you from the Illuminati = confirmed.
Might come off as a bit sappy. I'm also very bad at saying things like this. Please bear with me.
I realize I haven't been here a very long time, but that shouldn't make me any less right in what I'm about to say. My time here has, thus far, been an extremely positive experience. I was in something of a down-in-the-dumps mindset when I joined up. In person, there aren't many circles where I feel extremely welcome, even within my own family. This place, however, seemed to welcome me with open arms.
I'd name a few people that specifically come to mind, but eff it, you all do. Anyone I've had a conversation with. You've all made me feel like I belong here. I've yet to meet anyone here I don't genuinely like, and I have a hard time warming up to most people.
So I know I've only been here a few months, but unless I die, you can expect me to remain for years to come. That's what was on my mind this afternoon.
Long story short, my little cousin just tried to kill himself, and I need a minute away from the forum. I'm not sure how long I'll be gone, but it shouldn't be longer than a few days. I didn't post this in the help forum because there's really nothing anyone can do. If you wanna talk to me, for whatever reason, just hit me up on Skype.