Shadows of the Past

Hey everyone. Um, this is my first time doing this, so I'm a bit nervous. I mean, I've written lots of stuff, but mostly I've just shown it to my close friends. And they're a bit lazy in giving me critiques, so I often don't expect any kind of reply from them on stuff I send them.

Any ways, I've tackled writing something for MLP, called "Shadows of the Past" (in case you couldn't figure that out ;P) And it's pretty long - first chapter alone is about 3,600 words (that's like, um, fourteen pages in a paperback, I think), and I have no idea when it's going to end - ten chapters easy, I'm thinking.

Any ways, I'm kind of looking to get first impressions - pre-readers, I guess - but I'm not sure how to post something that big. Chop it up into bite sizes and post it up here? Google docs? I'm not sure how to do google docs, so I'd need help. Any ideas?

Oh, and if I'm out of line or anything, just let me know, and I'll go crawl under a rock until Season 2 comes out.

Thanks in advance!

 

Um, OK - like I said, I'm not sure how or anything. I kind of hate to post a huge Wall of Text - but I guess that's the only way? Anyone have any pointers?

Boy, am I feeling dumb.

Erm, I think I posted it in the wrong place. Uh, I posted it the Action-Adventure section, but it said I had to have a moderator review it first, and that wasn't quite what I meant to do - although maybe it was what I was supposed to do. Ah, well, I'll send a message to one of the administrators and admitted I made a boo-boo.

 

Well, it eventually becomes action-adventure, and I thought originally to just post it as I wrote it, but Luprony suggested I wait until its done. I kind of wanted to get feedback as I wrote it, as my stories tend to be quite long in nature.

Anyways it's on the dark side (violence and some death), it has the mane six but also some of my own ponies and background ponies (a cast of thousands, you might say), and its a conversion bureau story, if you know what that is. It focuses on my own creations, and, hmm, plot synopsis. OK, here's how I envision the "back of the book:"

Seventeen years have passes since Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeated Nightmare Moon with the Elements of Harmony. Things have not always been peaceful in those years, and some new ponies from a dying world have joined them. But what has happened to Canterlot? Why has Celestia's mood turned dark? And why has Luna not been heard from for many months? Answers come in the form of Shadow Ponies, terrible creations of Nightmare Moon sent to attack Poneyville. But what connection do they have to the new ponies? Is it the return of Nightmare Mon - or have they brought this evil with them?

Any ways, thanks for the inquiries, and I'd be happy to pre-read anyone and anything if there's some sort of pre-reading group.

 

Sorry for the double post, but I thought I'd go ahead and put Chapter 1 up.


Shadows of the Past

Chapter I: The Preparations

Ponyville, 1018 ALB (After Luna’s Banishment)

Twilight settled down onto her recliner on the balcony of her library. Next to her was her tall, cool glass of lemonade, and a nice book to read. She glanced at the sun, and guessed she still had about an hour to read before the big party started.

She sighed. Having sixty-eight ponies with the same birthday did give Pinkie one hell of an excuse to throw a super-humongous party – and each year had to be bigger than the previous.

Not that Pinkie really needed an excuse to throw a big party.

Of course, in previous years, they had more ponies for these super parties, just six days before Longest Day.

Distantly, she heard music playing. It was some classical music she hadn’t heard before. Curious, she got up, and went to the railing, and looked across town to a park not far away. There, on a small stage, where four ponies; two unicorns, a Pegasus, and an earth pony, and they were playing their instruments. She knew who they all were, even from this distance. The gray earth pony was Octavia, leader of their little quartet of musical instruments. Lyra, one of the unicorns with a turquoise colored coat and grayish mane, was there as well, and the two youngest members: the multi-colored Pegasus Sweet Tart and the chocolate and white Cello, the other unicorn.

She couldn’t make out their cutie marks from here, but any pony could guess they were musical in nature; and indeed, Octavia’s was a treble clef, Lyra was a lyre, Sweet Tart had a flute, and Cello had, well, a cello.

The song they were playing was kind of sad, but the crowd in front of them listened with rapt attention. The sweetly sad music drifted across the field, and more than a few ponies stopped what they were doing, and listened.

If nothing else, those four ponies could captivate anypony with their music.

For a moment, she stared at Cello, the chocolate and white unicorn with the caramel colored mane and tail – more than once Pinkie threatened to eat him! He now sat on a stool, with his namesake in front of him, somehow making the most beautiful music. She had worked with him from time to time, helping him practice his magic. He seemed to be able to manipulate small items better than anypony she knew, and to manipulate more than three or four items at a time.

He, along with Sweet Tart, were two of the ponies celebrating their birthday today.

Twilight’s gaze shifted downward as she heard the front door to her library close softly. A moment later, another unicorn, one of her assistants, Star Chaser, floated out of the front doors, heading for the park. For some reason, his legs didn’t work. So, instead of staying in some kind of chariot, he worked on perfecting the art of levitating himself. He was, in his way, stronger than any other pony. He could keep himself up for hours on end. It wasn’t exactly flying, of course, but it was the closest any unicorn would get.

His telescope cutie mark showed his interest in all things astronomical.

She watched as Star Chaser headed for the stage in which Cello and the others played on. The two of them spent almost all their spare time together.

And, like all those having their birthday today, they all shared a unique past.

Curious, Twilight looked around, and soon spotted the pegasi, hard at work on the training field. Rainbow Dash was giving the young pegasi their last instructions, drilling them in the art of weather shaping, in aerial-batics, and who knows what else. They all looked pretty dogged from the constant pressure Rainbow was putting them under – she would have to speak to her about that.

Well, not all of them were looking dogged. A yellow Pegasus with a brown and blue streaked mane and tail was following instructions perfectly. This was Wind Blaster, another friend of Cello and Star Chaser. He was, next to Rainbow Dash, of course, the fastest of the Pegasus, and his cutie mark, lines denoting a gust of wind, showed that.

Their fourth friend could be seen on the ground, looking fairly worn out. Catseye, a teal colored Pegasus, with a light violet and purple mane, was weaker than many of the other Pegasus. It took her the longest to learn to fly, and she never got very good at it. Perhaps naturally enough, she made friends with Fluttershy, and helped her with the animals, which, it turned out, she had a talent for, as her cat silhouette cutie symbol suggested.

After a quick search, she saw Cloud Dreamer, the green Pegasus with dark green mane. She was another friend of the group, although she didn’t always seem to get along with them, especially Cello. She had heard Rainbow Dash complain the most about her. She spent her time resting on the clouds, doing her work in quick bursts of speed. Twilight commented that sounded very much like a rainbow colored Pegasus she knew, and Dash gave her a stony look, but didn’t complain about her again. And with a cloud for a cutie mark, perhaps her lazy, drifting way of life made some sense.

Cello and Star Chaser were the two she talked to the most, but they didn’t say what the problem was, only that it would take care of itself. Since they didn’t seem worried, Twilight wasn’t worried.

Twilight heard the squeak of wheels, and turned to see several carts being pulled into town by the earth ponies, with Applejack at their lead. A little ways behind her, she saw Truffles, another of Cello’s friends. She was – a colorful pony. Red body, black stripes similar to Zecora’s, and a rainbow colored mane and tail. No other pony could seem to resist staring at her at first; now, they were almost used to her bright colors, and her odd, cake-like cutie mark. She worked with Pinkie Pie quite a bit, making chocolate treats that took an honored position with a certain pink ponies famous pastries. It was a bit odd seeing her with Applejack – she rarely went out to the farms.

And not far behind was Wheat Chaff. She was, perhaps, equally stunning as Truffles, having an unusual green and blue spotted coat, with brown mane and tail, and, of course, a wheat stalk cutie mark.

Twilight saw they were bringing in food, heading for the large pavilion Pinkie had set up for what she called, “The ultimate super-duper-luper party to end all parties for-ever!”

Twelve years since their arrival. A day she would never forget.

The music ended. Everypony clomped their feet in approval, some even jumping up and down with excitement and pleasure. Twilight saw Star Chaser and Catseye approaching Cello as he put away his instrument.

She had to admit, she was curious as to what they thought of this day. Well, that wasn’t too personal – maybe she could ask.

“Mama?” said a voice from inside. “I’m done cleaning. May I go outside?”

Twilight turned, and saw a light pink unicorn, with white and purple mane and tail, looking at her from inside.

“Of coarse, Tenderheart,” she said to her son. “In fact, I think I’ll join you.”

“I thought you wanted to stay up here and read for a while?” He sounded a little disappointed.

Twilight chuckled, and said, “I think I’ll just read in the park. You can still have fun with your friends, don’t worry. I won’t be hovering over you.”

Tenderheart smiled, blushing slightly. He didn’t realize how easily read he could be.

Twilight gathered her stuff up, and headed out.

*** *** ***

“Hello, Cello,” Star Chaser said as he floated towards him.

“Hello Star,” Cello replied. “You finally off work?”

“For now, yes,” he replied. “Here’s Catseye.”

It almost sounded like a warning, and, in a way, it was. The past between the two was – complicated.

Octavia came over, and said, “Cello? Are you still going to be available for the three o’clock show? Or is something up?”

“I’ll be here,” Cello said, as Catseye landed nearby.

“Good landing,” Star Chaser said.

Catseye just smiled wistfully. “At least I’m not hurting myself or others, now.”

“You only hurt that one pony,” Cello said. “And that was at least ninety percent his own fault. When you’re watching a young Pegasus show, you should always keep away from the landing and take-off field.”

“Still,” Catseye said, “if I had been a better flyer . . .”

“Let’s not get into this again,” Star Chaser said.

“Sorry,” Catseye said.

Star Chaser looked a bit cross, but before he could say anything, a yellow blur flashed by, just over their heads. Everypony, not just the three friends, but everypony around, turned, and watched as the blur zoomed seven or eight feet above the ground, then turned up sharply, doing several zig-zags, and then a loop-de-loop, all at high speed.

“Huh. Show off.”

Star Chaser, Cello, and Catseye turned in surprise to find Cloud Dreamer standing there. No one had heard her fly up and land.

“Just ‘cause you can’t do a loop-de-loop!” Wind Blaster called out.

“I can to!” Cloud Dreamer insisted.

The others looked at her skeptically, and she added, “It just makes me a little sick, that’s all.”

“You never did have a strong stomach,” Cello said.

Cloud Dreamer just ignored him.

“I can’t believe Octavia’s going to make you play during your own party,” Wind Blaster said, swooping in for a landing and making everyone flinch.

“Just a couple of songs for the party,” Cello said. “Got some new music to try out.”

“On that big guitar of yours?”

Cello rolled his eyes. He knew Wind Blaster was just trying to get his goat, but after a while, that joke old.

“No, I thought I’d just bang some rocks together,” Cello replied.

“What’s up, Cat?” Cloud Dreamer asked, noting her staring in the distance.

“Oh, just looking at the Pavilion Pinkie is putting up. Should be some party.”

“Aren’t they always?” Wind Blaster asked. “If Truffles was here, she might be able to give us a hint what’s going on.”

“Does it really matter?” Star Chaser asked. “We know it’s going to be a blast.”

“Hey, speaking of Truffles . . .” Cello nodded behind them, where not only Truffle was walking towards them, but so was Wheat Chaff.

“Was I mistaken, or did I see Truffles helping with the farm ponies?” Wind Blaster asked as she approached.

Wheat Chaff gave him a critical look, and Truffles said, “It’s not so bad – you might want to try a little work yourself. Might help you burn off that baby fat of yours.”

Wind Blaster frowned, glancing over himself, and said, “What fat? This is a one hundred percent mean, lean, flying machine!”

“I think she was referring more to your ‘mean’ aspect,” Chello said.

Everyone chuckled, including Wind Blaster.

For a moment, Cello gazed out amongst his friends, and found himself at an odd loss of words.

“Something wrong, Cello?” Wheat Chaff asked.

“What could be wrong? We live in a wonderful place, we have wonderful, healthy bodies, and we’re twelve years old again. Anyone think of that? How does it feel to be twelve again?”

“Very different than last time,” Cloud Dreamer said. “Not nearly so much trouble.”

“I know,” Cello said. “I agree. And I know we’ve had our differences over this, but I hope that you, like myself, feel it was all worth it.”

“No crime, no violence, no anger – or little enough so’s not to notice – able to eat all the sugar you want and not suffer ill effects . . .”

Catseye interrupted Wheat Chaff, saying, “That sounds like something Wind Blaster would say.”

“Ah, I still miss booze,” he replied.

“Of course.” Cloud Dreamer rolled her eyes.

“There’s alcohol here,” Cello said. “Octavia’s let me have some.”

“What? That apple cider stuff? Weak.”

Cello looked a little surprised, and said, “Wait a minute, don’t tell me-! You haven’t discovered-?!”

“Quit talking in half sentences,” Wind Blaster said. “What are you talking about?”

“Well,” Cello said, with a slight smile, “unless I guess my Pinkie Pie wrong, you may find out about their equivalent of beer today.”

“Beer . . .” Wind Blaster said, eyes wide, drool appearing in the corner of his mouth.

“I miss microwaves,” Cloud Dreamer said. “And television – well, sometimes.”

“My computer,” Catseye said.

“Yeah, computers,” Cloud Dreamer agreed. “And Malls, and cars, and central air, and – well, fingers!”

Everypony looked at their hooves, and nodded somberly.

“Fingers, sure,” Wheat Chaff said. “But Malls? Cars?! C’mon . . . you’re kidding me, right?”

“Well,” Cloud Dreamer said, “it’s only sometimes. Besides, there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

Star Chaser and Cello exchanged glances, but said nothing.

“And meat,” Cloud Dreamer suddenly said. “I know we sometimes eat that protein fortified vegetable stuff, but I would love to have a real hamburger, or steak! Vegetarianism is fine, but it took me the longest time to eat grass and hay.”

“Why?” Star Chaser said. “It’s just food – nutrition your body needs.”

“I thought we needed protein?!” Cloud Dreamer demanded.

“Our old bodies did,” Star Chaser said. “These bodies . . . well, it’s complicated. They need protein, but we get enough from plants and the spam.”

“Spam?!” Wheat Chaff said. “How long have you been using that term?!”

“Couple of years now,” Star Chaser said.

“Geez! I was wondering where they picked that up! I heard some of them starting to call it spam a while back, and was wondering. I should have known it was one of us.”

“Yeah. You should have,” Cello said.

“Heck, just living in a larger town would be nice!” Cloud Dreamer went on. “Does this town even have a thousand ponies yet?”

“No,” Star Chaser said. “Based on last census and projections, I’d say there are about seven hundred and fifty ponies here.”

“Mostly earth ponies,” Wheat Chaff added.

“Well, earth ponies did found this town, about forty years ago now, and –“

“Uh-oh! You done it now!”

Everyone turned at the new voice, and was only a little surprised to see Twilight approaching them.

“You’ve got Star Chaser talking history, one of his favorite subjects.”

“All subjects are his favorite subjects,” Cello said good naturedly. “Good afternoon, Mayor.”

“Good afternoon, Mayor,” all the others said.

“Oh, please! If you can’t call me Twilight, then who can?”

“Sorry – just trying to be polite,” Cello said with a smile.

“So. Twelve years old today. Must be exciting – you’re the only ponies I’ve known to celebrate that twice.”

“Technically,” Star Chaser said, “you can’t quite say that – you never knew us the first time we turned twelve, so you only have our word to go on that we’ve been twelve before.”

Twilight shook her head slightly, and said, “There’s more than just your word – there’s the way you act and talk – not like foals at all. And there’s Celestia’s word. I trust her above all else.”

“That’s another thing I miss,” Cloud Dreamer said. “Elected officials.”

“Dreamer!” Wheat Chaff said.

Twilight just chuckled, and said, “I’m elected – remember? As for Celestia, well, what can I say?”

Cloud Dreamer seemed about to speak, when Wheat Chaff clamped her hoof on her mouth.

Twilight looked a little upset, and said, “Don’t tell me you regret your decision?”

Wheat Chaff removed her hoof, and just looked at Cloud Dreamer. She looked a little sullen, but sighed, and opened her mouth to speak.

Whatever she was going to say was interrupted by a cry of “Mayor! Mayor!”

Coming from the large Pavilion, a light purple unicorn with a yellow mane came trotting up.

“Well, hello, Dinky,” Twilight said.

“Hi,” she replied, a little shyly. She glanced nervously at Star Chaser, and then said to Cello, “I liked your music.”

“Thank you,” Cello replied.

Dinky stared for a moment, then Twilight cleared her throat.

“Oh! Sorry,” she said, turning pinkish with embarrassment. “Pinkie Pie is looking for you. She has some questions, I think, about drinks.”

“BEER!” Wind Blaster said, punching a hoof in the air.

Twilight gave him a strange look, and said, “Alright, I’ll be right there.”

Dinky didn’t leave right away, glancing instead at Cello, before Twilight cleared her throat.

Dinky blushed again, and said, “Right,” and left.

“Looks like somepony has a crush,” Twilight commented.

Cello looked busy checking on his instrument.

“I know, she’s, what? Five or six years older? That’s not too bad, is it?”

Twilight looked on in puzzlement, as Cello refused to meet her look. Then she noticed the others were looking between him and Catseye.

Twilight frowned, and said, “I know you two were married before, but I understand you don’t even live together now. Is there some other problem?”

“It’s complicated,” Star Chaser said.

Twilight frowned again, and said, “There’s some things I’ll never understand, I guess. Well, I better see what Pinkie wants.”

She sighed theatrically as she trotted towards the Pavilion.

No one spoke for a moment, until Cloud Dreamer said in a dramatic voice, “Well-! That was close!”

“Oh, shut up,” Cello muttered.

“Hmm,” Wind Blaster said. “I guess she thinks you two aren’t together anymore. I have to say, I did wonder why you slept apart and all. You were married before, I don’t think coming here changed that . . . I guess . . .”

“You, my good friend, have the sensitivity of a rhino,” Truffles said.

“What?” Wind Blaster said, annoyed. “In case you haven’t noticed, the ponies are quite – eh, friendly.”

“That is one of the amazing things here,” Star Chaser said. “Jealousy is hardly known, and rarely rears its ugly head. Although I would hesitate to use the ‘friends with benefits’ term, as ponies don’t sleep with their friends – just ponies they, well, ‘like.’”

“That is kind of funny,” Truffles said. “If I slept with some earth pony at the farm, no one would think twice – even if it was another female. But if I slept with one of you – well, that would be very shocking!”

Cello looked a little surprised, and said, “Really? Huh. I wonder what they think of us, then? I mean, myself and Catseye.”

“I don’t think they think you’re married,” Wheat Chaff said. “For two reasons – one, most ponies think you’re too young to get married, and two – well, I should think that’s obvious.”

She looked between Cello and Catseye for a moment, not quite sure what to add.

“I know – we live apart, and spend little time together,” Cello said.

An uncomfortable silence fell on the group. Star Chaser, sensing a change in subject was needed, asked a question.

“So, what are you people going to do? I know I’m going to stay on and work in the library for a while longer. If Twilight ever retires, I might get to run it. And Cello, of course, will play his music for the ponies to their heart’s content. Although, if you ever teach Pinkie another pop song, I will hunt you down!”

They all laughed at that. A few years ago, Cello had started singing some pop tunes from home, and Pinkie had latched onto one called, “Girls just wanna’ have fun!,” and sang it for about thirteen days straight.

“Well,” Truffles said, “speaking of Pinkie, she’s offered me a spot in her bakery, doing chocolates to her pastries. We should be giving all of Equestria cavities in no time at all.”

“I’m going to help on the farm,” Wheat Chaff said with a sigh. “Who’d think it? The citified country girl going back to the country.”

“Dash is going to put a word in for me to try out for the Wonderbolts – she thinks I’m good enough,” Wind Blaster said. “Until then, I guess I’ll be helping with the weather around here.”


“I’ll be helping Fluttershy for now,” Catseye said. “Beyond that, I don’t know. I’d like to stay in town.”

She glanced a bit nervously at Cello, who didn’t return the look.

“Not me,” Cloud Dreamer said. “I put in for work at Canterlot. It won’t be anything glamorous – probably just pulling the chariot for dignitaries and what have you – but at least it won’t be this little podunk town.”

The others frowned at her a bit, but only Cello said anything.

“You know, Octavia’s from there.”

“Yes, I do,” Dreamer replied. “I tried to ask her questions about it, but she keeps putting me off.”

“That’s because she’s not very happy about the city anymore. She was born there, along with her sister Lyra, but she said the city wasn’t like it used to be. She didn’t like it anymore.”

“Well, after this place, it can’t be any worse than back home,” Dreamer said.

“Looks like some ponies are heading for the Pavilion,” Truffles said, pointing a hoof at the big, brightly colored tent with thousands of balloons and streamers.

“Ah, well,” Cello said. “It’s time for the big show.”

Wheat Chaff sighed. “I wonder if we’ll survive it.”

“I think so,” Star Chaser said with a smile.

As the ponies began trotting away, Cello noticed Star Chaser still laying on the ground.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Star Chaser said. “Just resting a bit. I’ll be right there.”

Cello nodded, giving him a smile.

Star Chaser smiled back, but then it faded as the others trotted away.

“We survive Pinkie’s parties just fine,” he said to himself, “but we seem to loose our ponies when they’re alone.”

After a moment, he floated up, and rejoined his friends, forcing a smile to stay in place.

 

Thanks, Pixel! As for why they're 12 again, well, in my description I mentioned it's a Conversion Bureau story. If you don't know what that is, it's a story line where something bad is happening on earth - such as nuclear war, pollution, plague - and Celestia offers to bring people to Equestria - but they have to be converted into ponies.