i was discussing about luna/nightmoon in the story forums,and they suggested i write a quick fic about how it was unfair that luna was sealed away for 1000 years,so here it is,feel free to critisize,review,deconstruct,or just throw a wet fish at my head here it is: The Nightmares` Eclipse Why.... Why big sister.... Werent we friends.... What was all Luna could think of as she was trapped in the moon, though she had not gone by that name in a long time. "We had it perfect,they truely believed it was due to us their pathetic sun and my glorious moon rose each day and night, we just claimed it was us and moved them around now and then to keep them in line." she thought,reminiscing of days gone by. "It was meant to be equal! instead you made it so evryone would be around to love your precous moon,with their farming,and parties and silly games! While when it was my turn,you made sure they were so tired partying they would sleep! Soon everyone slept when night came because evryone else did!" Luna lamented. "And when i tried to take my fair share,to introduce night time activities such as clubbing and ponygraphic videos(the second one proved oddly popular),you cried out that i was trying to usurp you! You even made people belivee you had used the so called elements of harmony to seal me away, when in reality you had no friends! You just used a spell,but everyone believed you had done a righteous act,sealing the "nightmare moon" inside her namesake, when the truth is you sealed away your little sister for the sake of greed!" she screamed into the cold darkness of ponyspace. " But that wasnt enough for you,was it dear sister? You then claimed MY power of the moon as your own,and since then,everypony has loved you, well soon they shall know the truth! the time of reckoning is nigh sister,the very stars themselves now aid my escape" as the stars themselves released nightmare from her bonds across Equestria,a faint laughter was heard,for this was HER time,the hour of the nightmare eclipse!!
Notes I thought whilst reading: "She had not gone by that name" should be "Though she had long ago discarded that name" or something to that effect. You meant to say "Everyone would be around to love your precious sun" as opposed to the moon. I would suggest completely ax-ing the second to last paragraph. Other than that and some regular English issues, it's a cool concept. The whole pre-nightmare moon phase/"What's going through her mind as the hour grows nigh" is cool and not really that explored. Generally it's only due to long terms of time.
Not sure about the "ponygraphic videos," but that could just be me. The whole thing has sort of a scammer's feel to it - it seems like Luna and Celestia are scamming all the ponies, and Celestia got greedy and got rid of Luna, which I realize is the point of the story, and maybe you just mean that Nightmare Moon feels that way, but it kind of feels like they're just a couple of crooks, and not goddesses. Of course, your interpretation of the ponyverse may be just that - that they're not gods, just a couple of scammers. Interesting idea. Perhaps you should expand that a bit. But does it show how unfair it was to Luna, I ask myself. And I have to say - yes and no. Obviously, it's not fair to Luna, but again, there's the idea that they're scamming the public at large, and the public is *still* being scammed. It's sort of like the two bank robbers - one gets caught and goes to jail, the other is free to spend the money. In which case, Luna wouldn't have asked for forgiveness when she got out, but been looking for blood - well, when she's stronger. Still, an interesting idea overall.
Interesting, this is a different take on the whole banished for 1000 years deal. Sounds like an alternate universe. I liked the way you flipped the roles and make Celestia the bad sister. Claiming she was the friendless, greedy, scamming pony. I'd like to see what could come of this alternate universe idea, perhaps Luna would succeed in overthrowing Celestia or lead a revolt of some kind. I liked it either way though.
