I don't know how you do this so well! When I write poems, all the rhymes sound forced and it doesn't really say anything. You, on the other hand, know how to say exactly what you want to in meter and rhyme. It just boggles my mind how you do it so EASILY.
Thank you very much, legion. It isn't easy per se, but I've been doing it often for years now, so it flows out much easier than my other writing. I do hit a writer's block every now and again, but I try to put out something new every week or two. As for the meter and the rhyme, well, I like to try new formats and styles, and I'm always messing with something or another.
Thank you! I appreciate that more than I can say. I love getting new opinions on my work from different people.
This poem is really significant for me; it's actually about me, which means it might seem a little awkward or preachy at times, but it really delivers a lot of the emotion I'm carrying right now. Title: Hours Not Ours Poem: On the corner stands the lipstick girl Protected with plastic from the world. For a nickel in her pocket or a dime in her palm Her songs can break the steely calm. But now there's quiet in the street, Broken only by the sound of her brain-beat. You know love can't wait If we don't find a way. And if we're waiting On some far-off day... Well, that's just not how it works. There's talk of his and hers, But you're confusing "where"s and "were"s Because these hours are not yours. On the corner stands the barefoot boy, Laid on the shelf like an unused toy. They both are trapped inside a box, But she's a mime and he's made of socks. He reaches for her; he needs her touch, But she falls to dust and ashes and rust. I was looking for a way That you could be mine, But it occurs to me now, You didn't ask for my time. That's how I see it; that's how it is. There's talk of hers and his, But she's the soda; you're the fizz. She'll be the one I miss.
And you're SO AWESOME for visiting this thread time after time. It seriously makes me super happy. I'm glad you enjoy my writing. I always try to change things up, and I'm constantly pushing myself to be better. People like you make it worth the effort.
Thank you for the compliment! However, maybe this would be a good time for me to voice an opinion. All of my grade school and middle school teachers were full of it when they said to "show not tell" (and by the way, them saying that was really not that helpful). Telling is a necessary part of any narrative. You may notice that all successful authors will, at some point, say things like "The sky was blue." Showing isn't necessarily better than telling. The kind of "telling" I'm talking about is the sort of statement that introduces straight-forward meaning to a piece with simple words. "Showing" is necessary for poetry and creative descriptions, but many of the other awesome, in-depth descriptions I've read use "telling" to convey vast amounts of meaning. "Show not tell" is an overused phrase that rides on the tongues of those who would oversimplify literary principles. It is more important to diversify your writing. You can create an entire universe when you write. Is it really fair to leave out something that might otherwise add color to your work? /rant But seriously, thank you ever so much for commenting. Feedback helps me to grow as a writer.
Well, I agree with you there. You need to both show AND tell in order to make a masterpiece. If you only tell, you lose the reader in mountains of descriptive text that will bore the hay out of them unless they're REALLY interested. If you only show, however, you lose potentially important information and rely on the reader's comprehension to tell them things, which is not a good thing either. For example, if you are writing about how the sky is blue, you might want to say "the sky is blue", or you might want to give the reader clues that it is blue in passing. But trying to describe the scenery every time it changes will result in aforementioned mountains of text, and trying to always imply what the scenery is like could lead to misconceptions by the reader. You need a happy medium! Sorry, that was a little rant of my own. Anyhow, yes, I don't normally enjoy poetry, but...well, I'm not going to say yours is different, because I wouldn't really know. It's more like, you made me inspect it closer than I have in the past, and I liked what I inspected. I'm not a poetry expert, but your poems are very nice, despite the fact that they are poems. Apologies if I come across wrong (which I probably will), I am not amazing at expressing my feelings on subjects in a way that makes sense to others. At risk of making this post even longer, I've been researching Jung-Myers personality types, and -- Wait, never mind. I'll make another thread about it. xD Ummm...I would summarize the post out of habit, but it's kind of jumbled...so I won't. -awkward end of post-
All very true. /applause I only really take issue with the phrase because back in Elementary School, when I was 9 years old, I had teachers (yeah, more than one) tell me I would never succeed, and that my writing was terrible (no, seriously, in those exact words). So, basically from then on out I decided to prove them wrong. My face shifted from to to when I read that. Thank you. (EDIT: Edited for grammar. It wouldn't usually bother me, but this is the Literature section...)
I really wonder if teachers do that on purpose. For me the moment someone says "you can't do that" I prove I can. Manager says there in no way I can do 12 pallets in one night. I did all 12 with no help. -- Sent from my Palm Pre using Forums
Is it scarring if you succeed. Well depending on how they go about doing it. If it's like constant nonstop put downs, then it's going way to far. -- Sent from my Palm Pre using Forums
Okay, good. That was the intention. xD Depends on your personality...if you take it as a challenge, it will help you. If you take it as a fact, it will hurt you. And if you take it as an opinion, it really won't do anything to you except make you hate that teacher.
This poem is pretty short, but I wrote over the course of a couple days while I was waiting for some classes, so please understand. Besides, I figured that this one was okay to leave short. If you're curious, I'm currently working on a much larger piece, and it's going to contain some poetry. If you're interested in reading my story (once I get far enough to feel comfortable with people doing that), message me or comment here and I'll send it to you when I'm ready. If you want.... Title: I'm Knot Poem: Drip, drip, another sip The one you had before your trip The wall-less door of evermore I wander now just like before Your fingers brush, your lips could blush, Our fire and smoke could feed the rush The blades of grass cut crude and crass Adorn a tower made of cold brass Our old monument of trust and rust Which we built as we knew we must The words were new and so they grew Each week we tended and reaped anew Our hopes, they flowered, and were devoured Eaten by our hearts so empowered The world is clean, the calm unseen Chaotic and polished in its glimmering sheen The mind is weak, but its image is sleek Though like a child, I'm still too meek I lay foundations thick and brick by brick I build a match for this new wick
I would like to! I mean, I would have to wait for some time where I had a significant amount of free time, which will be NOT in the next two weeks, but other than that, sounds coolio!
