Insanity Before we get started a friend of mine said that people liked seeing the picture of the OC in the story *Cough* SykoWolf *cough* Insanity Prologue The darkness and coldness is all that surrounded me. With nowhere to go I was stuck. Trapped in a infinite dark schism of hell. Is this what hell felt like? Is this my grave? Is this death? Perhaps I shall tell you how I got here. How I lay trapped to rot and die. Alone. It was a beautiful night..... The night sky glittered with constellations. The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight. Horizon and the night patrol did a good job, unpredicted weather in Ponyville wasn’t taken lightly for some reason. Horizon flew around the stars, making them seem like they were dancing. She might be the fastest Mare in all of Equestria. Horizon stopped the thought as a particular rainbow colored mare darted past her with a rainbow trail blazing behind her. The force almost knocked Horizon to the ground but she kept her ground and adjusted her speed and tried to catch with with the rainbow mare but her attempt to catch up failed. The rainbow mare noticed it and gave a smirk and darted off beyond Horizons view. Horizon with all of her strength caught up to Rainbow Dash, she gave a little smile indicating she was looking for a challenge. Rainbow Dash quickly pulled upward and started aiming for the sky, Horizon went after her. Horizon started to lose her strength fast but wouldn’t give up, Rainbow Dash pulled to a stop high in the sky where the oxygen was almost non-existent. The clouds came in again. Knowing this, Horizon had little time to spare. “Ready?” She said and Horizon gave a little nod. They both flapped their wings in unison indicating on the third flap they were going to dive. One, Two, Three! They both dived downward towards the ground at an unbelievable speed. Rainbow Dash was going fast enough and was creating one of her Sonic Rainbooms but never did it with anybody flying down with her. With all of Horizons might she tried to go faster but couldn’t seem to create any type of boom. There was a loud boom and it thrusted Horizon down faster than anypony she has ever seen. Thoughts dashed through her mind thinking how she was going to survive, her wings wouldn’t be able to hold all the force when she opened them. A trail of a blue streak started to form around her. She lost sight of both her sides and only saw a black dark sky filled with stars. The blackness formed around her in a matter of a heartbeat, was this what death felt like? She thought to herself. There was another boom indicating she just pulled of a boom or Rainbow Dash did. Horizon closed her eyes when she saw the ground just feet below her, she opened them again 2 seconds later after she didn’t feel anything just coldness. All around her was blackness. There was no gravity, no air yet she could still breath. Chapter 1: Settling in Yes, that was my short meaningless story of how I got trapped here but it was needed. I wonder how Dawn Rider was doing? I remember as fillies some of the mares used to go up on the cloud and watch them. I was one of them. Heard he got married to someone, Rain was it? Listen to me talk to myself. I floated around for what felt like years but was only minutes. I knew I wouldn’t last long. I’ve been used to being around ponies for years, yes I liked being alone sometimes but something just didn’t feel right, something never felt right from that point on. Everything felt like it was out of place, it needed to be somewhere but it wasn’t. Everything started to go by quickly like the world was on fast forward. I felt abandoned, I didn’t question my sanity. I knew everything was perfectly fine. “Voices.... The voices... Get them out of my head!” I yelled as the constant babbling of distant voices in my head. I was still trapped, same place, 2.... No 4 years? I can’t recount it’s been too long since I’ve seen a face. I can hardly remember the rainbow colored mares face, or name. It’s just a big blur, like a section of my memories were blocked off. Unaccessible for me. I didn’t care, I didn’t need to know anyone anymore. “No! Why did I think that?” Horizon thought to herself. Two more booms, loud ones. Horizon closed her eyes for another moment to find herself in a middle of a park. She knew nothing of this park but accepted it. Couldn’t tell the difference....” The voice trailed off in Horizons head and automatically forgot what she just heard but went to look around. The misfigured ponies didn’t seem to bother her the ones yelling and screaming for their lives. Instead, she smiled like a joyful little filly that just passed their flig---- Dawn Rider. “What?” Horizon said out of the blue but kept walking towards a town in flames. The charred houses laid on the ground. Some not even a solid, more like a gas, which is hardly possibly but still she accepted it and continued on. The more screams she heard the more joyful she got. The dead laid on the ground but she kept her passing being very observant taking for something that wasn’t really real. The short trip ended until she saw a familiar face. But a little older now than the last time she saw him. It haunted her, she couldn’t react. She killed it, she killed the only thing that kept her happy but was joyed by the screams of the dying Colt. She realized she forgot who it was once the dying colt died. The blood dripped off her hooves. She smiled again and kept walking. The sky turned black. One of Horizons favorite times but she didn’t know how to respond. She stood there and watched the stars dance. There was still hope. Her sanity yet still lives but is dying fast. She walked on as usual but didn’t know where she was at, everything was a blur and she kept hearing the screams but they were screaming for her. More ponies faded into the back of her mind like it was dream. She thought about it for a second and let the thought drift off. The stars seemed to blink away. Horizon blinked and they were gone again. Just a black sky. Chapter 2:Sanity The black sky folded into a mirror. I could see a reflection, was it mine? I looked around to see no one else. I concentrated on the reflection. It was me. The cyan and white split mane along with a light purple coat, my cyan eyes with a pair of freckles on the left side right under my eye. My wings were folded, I didn’t notice that. I tried to move them, they wouldn’t budge. I told them to move, that didn’t work either. I stopped trying. I was tired, I couldn’t fall asleep just standing in mid-air, but I managed. I was at peace.
This is pretty well written! I like the mysterious, suspense approach you've taken. The only criticism I have is, the same problem I have with my fictions, It doesn't go into that much detail. I know how you must feel, you are exited to get the chapter out so you can read what people have to say about it, and with that you rush your chapter to get it out there. The story it'self is good. But try go into a little more detail. Was the moon out perhaps? Was it cold, warm? Were there clouds blocking the view of the ground as they flew up? That sort of thing. Also, separateyour prologue into paragraphs, otherwise it can be a pain to read for some. Don't worry though, I have the same problem ^^ Otherwise, Great! I'm liking it!
First, here are my annotations: Here's the version that I edited; it still needs further descriptions and specifications, but you'll get the idea. I like that you started the story in the middle. That's a common writer's technique known as "in medias res." You made the exposition very mysterious and interesting. Be sure to add descriptions of your characters at some point. You don't have to do that immediately, because it adds to the mystery, but make sure to do it eventually. The character's dilemma is really engaging! I'm excited to see where it goes. Good job!
