I decided after messaging back and forth with a friend to redo the script of Monty Python and The Holy Grail using the cast of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. So here is Scene 1. I love criticism and feed back you to make everything easier...please post comments on the Monty Python and The Holy Grail (MLP:FIM) version comment area. Just so I can keep the posts together. I have fixed a few things....for one. Updates to this Fan Fic is in one post...no longer in comments. Two...I can only show up to ten photos so until I can work around that or have more time to do so please bare with me. Thanks to Google we can all search up who the pony is by the name I have given. All pony names are actual ponies from the MLP:FIM Universe. This is just for fun. Yay time to post ponies. Monty Python and the Holy Grail: (MLP:FIM version) Scene 1 Fan Fic by: Soundwave King Arthur: Princess Celestia a.k.a also known as Queen Celestia Trusty Stead ‘Patsy’: Played by Sunburst Guard 1: Will be played by Snips Guard 2: Is played by Snails [wind] [clop clop] Celestia: Whoa there! [clop clop] Celestia: It is I, Queen Celestia, daughter of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Canterlot. Queen of the Bronies, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all Equestria! Snips: Pull the other one. Celestia: I am, and this is my trusty stead Sunburst. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of ponies who will join me in my court at Canterlot. I must speak with your lord and master. Snips: What? Ridden on a pony? (motions to Sunburst) Celestia: Yes. Snips: Your using cupcakes! Celestia: What? Snips: You've got two hoofs full of cupcakes and you're bangin' 'em together. Celestia: So? We have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of ponyville, through... Snips: Where did you get the cupcakes? Celestia: We found them. Snips: You found them, in ponyville, but cupcakes are festive. Celestia: What do you mean? Snips: Well this is a party free zone. Celestia: The Owl may fly south with the sun or the phoenix or the parasprite may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? Snips: Are you suggesting Cupcakes migrate? Celestia: Not at all. They could be carried. Snips: What? An owl carrying a cupcake? Celestia: It could grip it by the bottom. Snips: Its not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound cupcake! Celestia: Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Queen Celestia from the Court of Canterlot is here? (big pause) Snips: Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a owl needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? Celestia: Please! Snips: Am I right? Celestia: I'm not interested! Snails: It could be carried by an Everfree owl! Snips: Oh, yeah, an Everfree owl maybe, but not a Ponyville owl, that's my point. Snails: Oh, yeah, I agree with that... Celestia: Please, Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Canterlot?! Snips: But then of course Everfree owls are not migratory. Snails: Oh, yeah... Snips: So they couldn't bring a cup back anyway... [clop clop] Snails: Wait a minute -- supposing two owls carried it together? Snips: No, they'd have to have it on a line. Snails: Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper! Snips: What, held under the dorsal guiding feathers? Snails: Well, why not? Scene 2 Mortician: This part will be played by Doctor Whooves Customer for the Mortician: This part will be played by Big Macintosh (Lol this pictures makes his name awesome) The Dead Person: Granny Smith is playing this part. The old woman who smacks a cat against the wall: will be played by Derpy Hooves (Doctor Whooves walks through the town streets, followed behind by a random pony pulling a cart. Doctor Whooves is banging a frying pan with a spoon as he begins to yell) Doctor Whooves: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! (Derpy pony begins to smack Opalescence (a.k.a. Rarity's cat) against the wall. WIth every smack you hear a loud Meow) [clang] Bring out your dead! [meow] [clang] Bring out your dead! [meow] [clang]Bring out your dead! [meow] [clang] Bring out your dead! (Big Macintosh walks up with Granny Smith on his back.) Big Macintosh: Here's one -- nine pence. Granny Smith: I'm not dead! Doctor Whooves: What? Big Macintosh: Nothing -- here's your nine pence. Granny Smith: I'm not dead! Doctor Whooves: Here -- She says she's not dead! Big Macintosh: Yes, she is. Granny Smith: I'm not! Doctor Whooves: See, she isn't. Big Macintosh: Well, she will be soon, she's very ill. Granny Smith: I'm getting better! Big Macintosh: No, you're not -- you'll be stone dead in a moment. Doctor Whooves: Oh, I can't take her like that -- it's against regulations. Granny Smith: I don't want to go in the cart! Big Macintosh: Oh, don't be such a filly. Doctor Whooves: I can't take her... Granny Smith: I feel fine! Big Macintosh: Oh, do us a favor... Doctor Whooves: I can't. Big Macintosh: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? She won't be long. Doctor Whooves: Naaah, I got to go on to Flashes -- they've lost nine today. Big Macintosh: Well, when is your next round? Doctor Whooves: Thursday. Granny Smith: I think I'll go for a walk. Big Macintosh: You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do? Granny Smith: I feel happy... I feel happy. (Doctor Whooves begins to look around and then walks behind Big Macintosh. Doctor Whooves raises his spoon that he was hitting the frying pan with and....) [whop] Big Macintosh: Ah, thanks very much. Doctor Whooves: Not at all. See you on Thursday. Big Macintosh: Right. (Suddenly Queen Celestia prances by the two followed by Sunburst who is still banging two cup cakes together at the same time as they are walking.) [clop clop] Doctor Whooves: Who's that then? Big Macintosh: I don't know. Doctor Whooves: Must be a Queen. Big Macintosh: Why? Doctor Whooves: She hasn't got *squee!* all over her. Scene 3 Arthur: Played still by Princess Celestia Dennis: Will be played by Mr. Cake The Old woman: will be played by Mrs. Cake (Celestia is going through the fields with Sunburst trailing behind him with cupcakes, when they come up on some one [clop clop] Celestia: Old Mare! Mr. Cake: Stallion! Celestia: Old Stallion, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there? Mr. Cake: I'm thirty seven. Celestia: What? Mr. Cake: I'm thirty seven -- I'm not old! Celestia: Well, I can't just call you `Stallion'. Mr. Cake: Well, you could say ‘Cake'. Celestia: Well, I didn't know you were called `Cake.' Mr. Cake: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you? Celestia: I did say sorry about the `old mare,' but from the behind you looked-- Mr. Cake: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior! Celestia: Well, I AM queen... Mr. Cake: Oh queen, eh, very nice. An' how'd you get that, eh? By exploitin' the earth ponies -- by 'angin' on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic an' social differences in our society! If there's ever going to be any progress-- Mrs. Cake: Honey, there's some lovely filth down here. Oh (Notices Celestia)-- how d'you do? Celestia: How do you do, good mare. I am Celestia, Queen of the Bronies. Who's castle is that? Mrs. Cake: Queen of the who? Clestia: The Bronies. Mrs. Cake: Who are the Bronies? Celestia: Well, we all are. we're all Bronies and I am your queen. Mrs. Cake: I didn't know we had a queen. I thought we were an autonomous collective. Mr. Cake: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working classes-- Mrs. Cake: Oh there you go, bringing class into it again. Mr. Cake: That's what it's all about if only ponies would-- Celestia: Please, please good ponies. I am in haste. Who lives in that castle? Mrs. Cake: No pony lives there. Celestia: Then who is your lord? Mrs. Cake: We don't have a lord. Celestia: What? Mr. Cake: I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. Celestia: Yes. Mr. Cake: But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting. Celestia: Yes, I see. Mr. Cake: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-- Celestia: Be quiet! Mr. Cake: --but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more-- Celestia: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! Mrs. Cake: Order, eh -- who does she think she is? Celestia: I am your queen! Mrs. Cake: Well, I didn't vote for you. Celestia: You don't vote for queens. Mrs. Cake: Well, 'ow did you become queen then? Celestia: The Mare of the Lake, [angels began to sing] her leg clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft the Elements of Harmony from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Celestia, was to control the Elements of Harmony. [singing stops] That is why I am your queen! Mr. Cake: Listen -- strange mares lying in ponds distributing weapons is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. Celestia: Be quiet! Mr. Cake: Well you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just 'cause some watery tart threw some stones at you! Celestia: Shut up! Mr. Cake: I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd lock me away! Celestia: Shut up! Will you shut up! (Celestia’s horn begins to shine and then Mr. Cake is levitated into the air and shook about) Mr. Cake: Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. Celestia: Shut up! Mr. Cake: Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! HELP! HELP! I'm being repressed! Celestia: Bloody earth pony! Mr. Cake: Oh, what a give away. Did you here that, did you here that, eh? That's what I'm on about -- did you see her repressing me, you saw it didn't you? Scene 4 King Arthur: Still played by Princess Celestia. The Black Knight: Rarity will be playing the part as the Black Knight. The Green Knight:This part will be any random pony, it doesn't really matter. (After Queen Celestia’s encounter with Mr. Cake, Celestia and Sunburst move onward across the countryside and into a forest where the come across a pony dressed in black armor and a pony in green armor fighting. Celestia pulls sunburst off to the side to watch.) [arg] [ugh] [hah] (Finally a winner arises from the battle, It is rarity who removes her helmet after pulling her sword from the green knights helmet. Rarity walks over and stands in the middle of the path and stares forward. Celestia looks to Sunburst then smiles and nods, the two begin to walk towards her.) Celestia: You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight. I am Celestia, Queen of the Bronies. [pause] (Rarity continues to stand still in front of the path face onwards.) I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Canterlot. [pause] You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me? [pause] You make me sad. So be it. Come, Sunburst. Rarity: None shall pass. Celestia: What? Rarity: None shall pass. Celestia: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir knight, but I must cross this bridge. Rarity: Then you shall die. Celestia: I command you as Queen of the Bronies to stand aside! Rarity: I move for no pony. Celestia: So be it! (Celestia Draws her sword as well as Rarity) [hah] [parry thrust] [Celestia chops the Rarity's front left arm off] Celestia: Now stand aside, worthy adversary. Rarity: 'Tis but a scratch. Celestia: A scratch? Your arm's off! Rarity: No, it isn't. Celestia: Well, what's that then? Rarity: I've had worse. Celestia: You liar! Rarity: Come on you pansy! (Rarity lunges again at Celestia) [hah] [parry thrust] [Celestia chops the Rarity's right arm off] (Rarity then looks down at both of her arms) Rarity: Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc- [hah] (Rarity then begins to start running into Celestia...with no arms what can she do.) Rarity: Come on then. Celestia: What? Rarity: Have at you! Celestia: You are indeed brave, Sir knight, but the fight is mine. Rarity: Oh, had enough, eh? Celestia: Look, you stupid *squee!*, you've got no arms left. Rarity: Yes I have. Celestia: Look! Rarity: Just a flesh wound. [bang] Celestia: Look, stop that. Rarity: Chicken! Chicken! Celestia: Look, I'll have your leg. Right! [whop] (Now Rarity is hopping on one leg.) Rarity: Right, I'll do you for that! Celestia: You'll what? Rarity: Come at me! Celestia: What are you going to do, bleed on me? Rarity: I'm invincible! Celestia: You're a loony. Rarity: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. [whop] [Celestia chops the Rarity's other leg off] (Rarity as a lump on the ground looks around then back to Celestia who has just sheathed her sword.) Rarity: All right; we'll call it a draw. Celestia: Come, Sunburst. Rarity: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off! Scene 5 Sir Bedemir: This part will be played by Twilight Sparkle. King Arthur: Queen Celestia. Villager #1: Applebloom has got this part. Villager #2: Part is played by Scootaloo. Villager #3: This part is played by Sweetie Belle. Witch: This Part is played by Zecora. As Queen Celestia makes it past the black night she then ventures into a town where a whole lot of commotion in the town square. Celestia and sunburst decided to venture towards and noticed that a crowd of people was dragging a mare around with what looks like a carrot on her nose. CROWD: A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! (The crowd brings up the mare to the wisest person in town, Twilight Sparkle in their town. Twilight turns around after letting go an Owl with a cupcake tied to its foot.) Applebloom: We have found a witch, might we burn her? CROWD: Burn her! Burn! Twilight: How do you know she is a witch? Scootaloo: She looks like one. Twilight: Bring her forward. Zecora: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. Twilight: But you are dressed as one. Zecora: They dressed me up like this. CROWD: No, we didn't... no. Zecora: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one. (Twilight slowly touches her nose then lefts it up then puts it back down with a disgusted look on her face.) Twilight: Well? Applebloom: Well, we did do the nose. Twilight: The nose? Applebloom: And the hat -- but she is a witch! CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her! Twilight: Did you dress her up like this? CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit. Applebloom: She has got a wart. Twilight: What makes you think she is a witch? Sweetie Belle: Well, she turned me into a newt. Twilight: A newt? Sweetie Belle: I got better. Scootaloo: Burn her anyway! CROWD: Burn! Burn her! Twilight: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. CROWD: Are there? What are they? Twilight: Tell me, what do you do with witches? Scootaloo: Burn! CROWD: Burn, burn them up! Twilight: And what do you burn apart from witches? Applebloom: More witches! (Sweetie Belle hits Applebloom in the back of the head.) Scootaloo: Wood! Twilight: So, why do witches burn? [pause] (The ponies and the crowd seems lost in thought) Sweetie Belle: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...? Twilight: Good! CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah... Twilight: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? Applebloom: Build a bridge out of her. Twilight: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone? Scootaloo: Oh, yeah. Twilight: Does wood sink in water? Applebloom: No, no. Scootaloo: It floats! It floats! Applebloom: Throw her into the pond! CROWD: The pond! Twilight: What also floats in water? Applebloom: Bread! Scootaloo: Apples! Sweetie Belle: Very small rocks! Applebloom: Cider! Scootaloo: Great gravy! Applebloom: Cherries! Scootaloo: Mud! Sweetie Belle: Churches -- churches! Scootaloo: Lead -- lead! Celestia: A duck. CROWD: Oooh. (The crowd looks back in amazement as Twilight seems overjoyed at the answer.) Twilight: Exactly! So, logically..., Applebloom: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood. Twilight: And therefore--? Applebloom: A witch! CROWD: A witch! Twilight: We shall use my larger scales! [yelling] (Twilight jumps down from the top of the stairs she was on and the crowd drags Zecora to the scales and puts her in the left side. Twilight: Right, remove the supports! (Derpy pony knocks the support under the duck.) [whop] (Derpy, looks and to her it looks like both or knocked down but actually it was only the one under the duck.) [creak] CROWD: A witch! A witch! Zecora: It's a fair cop. CROWD: Burn her! Burn! [yelling] ( The crowd drags Zecora off and begins to light torches, at this moment Twilight begins to walk over towards Celestia.) Twilight: Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? Celestia: I am Celestia, Queen of the Bronies. Twilight: My liege! (Twilight instantly drops to her knees.) Celestia: Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Canterlot, and join us at the Round Table? Twilight: My liege! Do I have to make friends? Celestia: I guess not. Twilight: I would be honored. Celestia: What is your name? Twilight: Twilight Sparkle, my leige. Celestia: Then I dub you Sir Twilight Sparkle, Knight of Harmony. Narration, Scene 6 & 7 To make things easier from now on I'm not gonna put a picture up unless a new character is introduced or if a character becomes another character. The Narrator: Will be played by Spike. Sir Lancelot: Rainbow Dash...by popular demand. Sir Galehad: Will be played by Applejack Sir Robin: Will be played by Fluttershy Sir not appearing in this fan fic: Was not available for pictures sorry. God: Will be played by God. God said no pics of him...if we were to see him we would die. Everyone Else is the same.....for now. Narration: Spike: The wise Sir Twilight was the first to join Queen Celestia’s knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow: Sir Rainbow Dash the Brave; Sir Applejack the Pure; and Sir Fluttershy the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Rainbow Dash who had nearly fought the Sleeping Dragon near Ponyville, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Cockatrice of Everfree and who had personally wet herself at the Battle of the Eastern Sky; and the aptly named Sir Not-appearing-in-this-fan fic. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries, the Knights of Harmony. Scene 6 Twilight: And that, my liege, is how we know Equestria to be banana-shaped. Celestia: This new learning amazes me, Sir Twilight. Explain again how parasprites' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. Twilight: Oh, certainly, Mam. Rainbow Dash: Look, my liege! Celestia: Canterlot! Applejack: Canterlot! Rainbow Dash: Canterlot! Sunburst: It's only a model. Celestia: Shhh! Knights, I bid you welcome to your new home. Let us ride... to Canterlot. [Music Begins] (Ponies in armor swing open the doors into the throne room where a feast is being held. Here the Ponies dressed in armor begin to jump on the tables and dance and sing.) [singing] We're the knights of harmony We dance when e'er we're able We do routines and bakery scenes With footwork impecc-Able. We dine well here in Canterlot We eat apples, drink snapples, and eat spam a lot (All the ponies look at the one pony who sung spam a lot by himself....*Facehoof.) [dancing] We're the Knights of harmony Our shows are for-mid-able Though many times we're given rhymes That are quite unsing-able We not so daft in Canterlot We sing from the diaphragm a lot (The Ponies begin dancing on the tables and banging tin drums.) [tap-dancing] (Then all of the sudden everyone looks to a really old pony who is hanging from the walls by his front hoofs as he claps his hoofs together to the beat.) Oh we're tough and able Quite indefatigable Between our quests we sequin vests And impersonate the Wonderbolts It's a bit too loud in Canterlot (Fluttershy then steps out as everyone gets quite and in a big deep voice.) I have to push the pram a lot. (All the sudden everything goes crazy and it turns out that the knights and the Queen never actually left the hill they were on while they were looking at the Castle. Everypony just kinda looked around at each other like WTF.) Celestia: Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot -- it is a silly place. Everypony all at once: Right. (The ponies all trotted off down the path away from Canterlot.) Scene 7 (As the Knights were walking away, a bright light beamed down upon them and the clouds opened up and God peered out of the clouds and began to speak to them.) GOD: Celestia! Celestia, Queen of the Bronies! (God pauses a bit to notice all the knights bowing as low as they can and asking for mercy.) Oh, don't grovel! If there's one thing I can't stand, it's ponies groveling. Celestia: Sorry-- GOD: And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to somepony it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". (God then pauses again to see the knights still looking away from Him.) What are you doing now!? Celestia: I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord. GOD: Well, don't. It's like those miserable Psalms-- they're so depressing. Now knock it off! Celestia: Yes, Lord. GOD: Right! Celestia, Queen of the Bronies -- your Knights of Harmony shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. Celestia: Good idea, oh Lord! GOD: 'Course it's a good idea! Behold! Celestia, this is the Holy Grail. Look well, Celestia, for it is your sacred task to seek this Grail. That is your purpose, Celestia -- the Quest for the Holy Grail. (The Clouds then came back together and the bright light that shone down vanished.) Celestia: A blessing! Rainbow Dash: A blessing from the Lord! AppleJack: God be praised! Scene 8 The Main French Guard will be played by Pinkie Pie. Guard #2: Scootaloo. Guard #3: Applebloom. Guard #4: Sweetie Belle. (Learning of there Quest tasked by God to find the Holy Grail. Celestia and her knights of Harmony set off to search for the Grail. Their first stop is a castle in the forest. Lets see what happens as our heroes approach [clop clop] (Our group pass derpy pony who is holding a stick in her mouth, smacking the water in the river. Unfazed by this Celestia and her knights continue their march.) [clop clop] Celestia: Halt! (The Sunburst, Celestia’s faithful stead comes forth with a long skinny horn with a flag on the end with a symbol of a sun. Sunburst then spouts out a terribly weak note that doesn’t get any louder nor does it change pitch. Afterwards Sunburst puts away this horn, smiling proudly.) Celestia: Hallo! (Long Pause) Celestia: Hallo! (Two hoofs hop up on top of the castle walls and a pink haired mare clad in armor peers down.) Pinkie Pie: 'Allo! Who is zis? Celestia: It is Queen Celestia, and these are the Knights of Harmony. Who's castle is this? Pinkie Pie: This is the castle of Our Master Ruiz' de lu la Ramper Celestia: Go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. Pinkie Pie: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen... Uh, he's already got one, you see? Celestia: What? Applejack: She says they've already got one! Celestia: Are you sure he's got one? Pinkie Pie: Oh, yes, it's very nice-a (Pinkie Pie leans back behind the walls towards three other guards who are sitting down. They too are also clad in armor.) [To Other Guards] I told her we already got one. OTHER GUARDS: [Laughing] (Pinkie Pie swings back around to peer back down at the knights.) Celestia: Well, um, can we come up and have a look? Pinkie Pie: Of course not! You are Canterish types-a! Celestia: Well, what are you then? Pinkie Pie: I'm French! Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly queen! Applejack: What are you doing in Equestria? Pinkie Pie: Mind your own business! Celestia: Now see here, if you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force! Pinkie Pie: You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, fillies of a silly pony. I blow my nose at you, so-called Celestia-Queen, you and all your silly Canterish kaniggets. (Blows raspberry whiles slapping the top of her helmet and making obscene gestures.) Thppppt! Applejack: What a strange pony. Celestia: Now look here, my good woman! Pinkie Pie: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries. Applejack: Is there someone else up there we could talk to? Pinkie Pie: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a! Celestia: Now, this is your last chance. I've been more than reasonable. (Pinkie Pie leans back towards the guards again.) Pinkie Pie: (Fetchez la vache.) Scootaloo: wha? Pinkie Pie: (Fetchez la vache!) (The other guards besides Pinkie Pie begin loading a cow onto a catapult.) [moo] Celestia: If you do not agree to my commands, then I shall-- [twong] (the Catapult was released.) [mooooooo] (and the cow was sent flying over the castle wall towards the knights.) Celestia: Jesus Christ! (The Cow lands right on Sunburst who is laying face first on the ground.) Celestia: Right! Charge! ALL THE KNIGHTS: Charge! (All the knights have their swords drawn and they charge for the castle. As they run up the French guards: Pinkie Pie, Scootaloo, Applebloom, and Sweetie Belle begin chunking any farm animal they can get their hands on over the castle walls towards the knights.) [mayhem] Pinkie Pie: Ah, this one is for your mother! [twong] All the Knights: Run away! Scootaloo: (blowing a raspberry.) Thpppt! (Our heroes now have retreated back at the edge of the forest on the tree line.) Rainbow Dash: Fiends! I'll tear them apart! Celestia: No no, no. Twilight: Your majesty! I have a plan. [later] (Mysterious sounds begin coming from the woods. Sounds like a hammer hammering a nail, a chainsaw running and a cat screaming.) [chop] [mrrrrrreeeeeeaaaaaaauuuuww] (Then a woods monstrosity begins coming out of the forest, in the shape of a giant rabbit.) [rumble rumble squeak] (Pinkie Pie and the other guards peer their heads out of the front door of the castle to notice a huge wooden bunny infront of their castle.) Pinkie Pie: ce labon a bunny do Applebloom: wha? Sweetie Belle: un cadeau? Scootaloo: come on Applebloom, its a present! Applebloom: oh, un cadeau. Sweetie Belle: oui oui hurry! Applebloom: wha-? Scootaloo & Sweetie Belle: let's go! (Pinkie Pie and the guards begin to wheel the Rabbit inside the castle.) [rumble rumble squeak] (Back at the tree line.) Celestia: What happens now? Twilight: Well, now, uh, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and I wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise -- not only by surprise, but totally unarmed! Celestia: Who leaps out? Twilight: Uh, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and I. Uh, leap out of the rabbit, uh (Celestia and all the knights are still at the treeline...no one is in the rabbit.) and uh.... Celestia: Oh.... (Celestia and Rainbow Dash *facehoof) Twilight: Oh.... Um, l-look, if we built this large wooden Phoenix-- [twong] (all of the sudden the gigantic rabbit is flung over the castle walls towards the knights.) ALL: Run away! Run away! Run away! Run away! (Everyone makes it out even Sunburst who is slightly dizzy from the cow. Everyone except for..... Bluegrass, Applejack’s trusty stead.) [splat] ( Bluegrass died instantly, in a manner most unpleasant.) All the GUARDS: Oh, haw haw haw. (Celestia and her knights then retreated into the woods.) Scene 9 (Off in the woods somewhere, Spike stands ready to be taped by Rarity who is working the videocamera and Photo Finish who was directing.) Photo Finish: Pictures for Schools, take 8. And... Action! Spike: Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened Queen Celestia. The ferocity of the French taunting took her completely by surprise, and Celestia became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the Holy Grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion. Celestia, having consulted her closest knights, decided that they should separate, and search for the Grail individually. Now, this is what they did-- [tromp tromp] (Suddenly a random pony clad in armor flys by extremely fast dressed in same armor as Sir Rainbow Dash with a sword in its mouth and cuts Spikes throat.) [slash] Rarity: Spike! (Rarity sees this almost in slow motion through the cam. She drops the camera which Photo Finish grabs at the last moment. Rarity dashes over towards Spike and holds him with his head in her hoof.) Rarity: No Spike don’t leave me. (Spike slowly opens his eyes and realizes whats happening.) Spike: Rarity, I don’t know if I’m going to make it, there’s a white light... Maybe a kiss will heal me? (Rarity had a surprised and blushed look.) Rarity: Ok... (As she begins to lean down she notices that there is no blood.) Rarity: What hay Spike. (Rarity instantly drops his head and gets up to walk away.) Spike: Wha-... Rarity: You aren’t even bleeding nor do you have any kind of marks on your neck. (Spike stood there with an embarrassed look on his face) Spike: Oh yea,...dragon skin. Scene 10 Spike is still the Narrator. Brave Sir Robin is still played by Fluttershy. Dennis and his Wife are still played by Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Fluttershy’s Minstrels are: DJ - Pon3 (the main singing minstrel), Octavia, Bluenote, Frederic Horseshoepin, and Harpo Parish Nadermane.) The Three Headed Knight will be played by the Diamond Dogs. The Left head will Be Rover, The Middle Will be Fido, and The Right Head will be Spot. It took me awhile but these our their actual names. Thanks Lauren Faust.) Spike: The Tale of Sir Robin.... Spike: So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Fluttershy rode north, through the dark forest of Everfree, accompanied by her favorite minstrels. Fluttershy’s Minstrels (singing) DJ - Pon3: Bravely bold Fluttershy, rode forth from Canterlot. She was not afraid to die, o Brave Fluttershy. She was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Fluttershy! She was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have her eyes gouged out, and her hocks broken in. To have her kneecaps split, and her body burned away, And her limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Fluttershy! Her head smashed in and her heart cut out, And her liver removed and her bowels unplugged, And her nostrils ripped and her bottom burned off, And her vagina-- Fluttershy: That's -- that's, uh, that's enough music for now, guys. I kinda think you went to far DJ - Pon3. Looks like there's dirty work afoot. Mr. Cake: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom. Mrs. Cake: Oh, Cake, forget about freedom. Now I've dropped my mud. (Fluttershy and her minstrels pass Mr. and Mrs. Cake who are trudging past in quite a hurry....when suddenly they encounter a Three Headed Dog Knight.) All the Diamond Dogs: Halt! Who art thou? DJ - Pon3 (singing): Se is brave Sir Fluttershy, brave Sir Fluttershy, who-- Fluttershy: Shut up! Um, n-n-nobody really, I'm j-just um, just passing through. All the Diamond Dogs: What do you want? DJ - Pon3 (singing): To fight, and-- Fluttershy: Shut up! Um, oo, n-nothing, nothing really -- I, uh, j-j-ust to um, just to p-pass through, good Sir knight. All the Diamond Dogs: I'm afraid not! Fluttershy: Ah. W-well, a-actually I am a Knight of H-h,h,harmony. All The Diamond Dogs: You're a Knight of Harmony? Fluttershy: (Lowering her head, a small whimper comes out). Rover: In that case I shall have to kill you. Fido: Shall I? Spot: Oh, I don't think so. Fido: Well, what do I think? Rover: I think kill her. Spot Well let's be nice to her. Fido: Oh shut up. (Fluttershy tries to step in.) Fluttershy: Perhaps- Fido: You too. (She slowly brings her head back down.) Rover: Oh quick get the sword out I want to cut her head off! Spot: Oh, cut your own head off! Fido: Yes, do us all a favor! Rover: What? Spot: Yapping on all the time. Fido: You're lucky. You're not next to him. Rover: What do you mean? Fido: You snore. Rover: Oh I don't -- anyway, you've got bad dog breath. Fido: Well its only because you don't brush my teeth. Spot: Oh stop *squee!*ing and let's go have tea. Rover: All right, all right, all right. We'll kill her first and then have tea and doggie biscuits. Fido: Yes. Spot: Oh, but not dog biscuits. Rover: All right, all right, not biscuits, but lets kill her anyway. ALL HEADS: Right! Rover: She buggered off. Spot: So she has, she's scarpered. DJ - Pon3 (singing): Brave Sir Fluttershy ran away Fluttershy: No! DJ - Pon3 (singing): Bravely ran away away Fluttershy: I didn't! DJ - Pon3 (singing): When danger reared its ugly head, she bravely turned her tail and fled Fluttershy: I said No! DJ - Pon3 (singing): Yes Brave Sir Fluttershy turned about Fluttershy: I didn't! DJ - Pon3 (singing): And gallantly she chickened out bravely taking to her hooves Fluttershy: I never did! DJ - Pon3 (singing): She beat a very brave retreat Fluttershy: All lies! DJ - Pon3 (singing): Bravest of the brave Sir Fluttershy (In a fit of rage Fluttershy swooped around tackled DJ Pon3 to the ground. A huge stare came from her eyes to DJ Pon3’s eyes.) Fluttershy: Now you listen here, I don’t pay you to make songs about me being scared and retreating got it!!! DJ - Pon3 (timid): but you don’t pay us at.... Fluttershy: SHUT UP, YOU ARE GOING,.. TO,.. SING,.. ABOUT ME. AND THEY BETTER BE GOOD. DJ - Pon3: Yes mam. Scene 11 Zoot was played by: Black Stone Dingo was played by: Blue Grass The two servants that prepare a room for Applejack is played by: Creme Brulee and Coconut. The Two doctors in the castle, these parts are played by: Blues and Davenport. Spike: The Tale of Sir Galahad [boom crash] (Sir Applejack is crawling out of the forest uphill trying to get away from some kind of monster that is chasing her. As she stumbles injured through the brush she looks up and sees a castle.) [angels singing] (At the top of the castle Applejack notices that atop of the castle is the Holy Grail shining in all its glory. Looking back she sees something move in the woods behind. In a craze she hurries to the huge castle door.) [pound pound pound] Applejack: Open the door! Open the door! [pound pound pound] In the name of Queen Celestia, open the door! (The door slowly swings open) [squeak thump] (Applejacks falls through the doorway onto the floor as she looks up and she sees a stallion in white peering down at her.) [squeak boom] Black Stone: Welcome gentle Sir knight, welcome to the Castle Parasprite. Applejack: The Castle Parasprite? Black Stone: Yes... oh I know its not a very good name? Oh! but we are kind and we shall attend to your every, every need! Applejack: You are the keepers of the Holy Grail? Black Stone: The what? Applejack: The Grail -- it is here? Black Stone: Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest awhile. Creme Brulee! Coconut! (Two other stallions show up) Creme Brulee and Coconut: Yes, oh Black Stone! Black Stone: Prepare a bed for our guest. Creme Brulee and Coconut: Oh thank you thank you thank you-- (They leave to go upstairs and fix the bed for Applejack Black Stone: Away away vile temptors! The beds here are warm and soft -- and very, very big. Applejack: Well, look, I-I-uh-- Black Stone: What is your name, my beautiful knight? Applejack: Sir Applejack... the Chaste. Black Stone: Mine is Stone... Black Stone. Oh, but come! (Applejack and Black Stone slowly begin to walk up the stairs) Applejack: Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail! Black Stone: Oh, you have suffered much! You are delirious! Applejack: L-look, I have seen it! It is here, in the-- Black Stone: Sir Applejack! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. Applejack: Well, I-I-uh-- Black Stone: Oh, I am afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this castle with no one to protect us! Oh, it is a lonely life -- working out, making things , undressing, picking apples (Applejack’s ears attention just peaked).... We are just not used to gorgeous knights. Nay, nay, come, come, you may lie here. Oh, but you are wounded! (Black Stone then gets behind Applejack and pushes her onto the bed in Applejacks room) Applejack: No, no -- i-it's nothing! Black stone: Oh, but you must see the doctors immediately! No, no, please, lie down. [clop clop] Blues: Ah. What seems to be the trouble? Applejack: They're doctors?! Black Stone: Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes. Applejack: B-but-- Black Stone: Oh, come come, you must try to rest! Doctor Blues, Doctor Davenport, practice your art. Blues: Try to relax. Applejack: Are you sure that's necessary? Blues : We must examine you. (Blues takes his hoof and runs it down Sir Applejacks body to a much private region.) Applejack: There's nothing wrong down there Blues: Please -- we are doctors. (Blues hand keeps going lower and Applejacks eyes start to roll back, she gasps and then freaks out.) Applejack: Get off the bed! I am sworn to chastity! Blues: Back to your bed! Applejack: Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail! Blues: There's no grail here. (In a fit of embarrassment and shame Applejack grabs her shield and sword that was on the bed throws them on her back and runs down the stairs.) Applejack: I have seen it, I have seen it. I have seen-- (As she reaches the end of the stairs she comes to a room full of Stallions.) Stallions: Hello. Applejack: Oh-- (Applejack then slowly walks forward not only in shock but with a flushed face. As she walks forward she begins to become surrounded by the random stallions in the room.) VARIOUS Stallions: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. (In the midst of all the stallions, Black Stone pops up in front of her.) Applejack: Black Stone! Blue Grass: No, I am Black Stone's identical twin brother, Blue Grass. Applejack: Oh, well, excuse me, I-- Blue Grass: Where are you going? Applejack: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle! Blue Grass: No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Black Stone! Applejack: What is it? Blue Grass: Oh, wicked, bad, awful Black Stone! He has been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is grail-shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem. Applejack: It's not the real Grail? Blue Grass: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Black Stone! Oh, he is a terrible stallion, and he must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Parasprite, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie him down on a bed and buck him! Stallions: A bucking! A bucking! Blue Grass: You must buck him well. And after you have bucked him, you may deal with him as you like. And then, buck me. Various Stallions: And buck me. And me. And me. Blue Grass: Yes, yes, you must give us all a good bucking! Stallions: A bucking! A bucking! Blue Grass: And after the bucking, the oral sex. Stallions: Oral sex! Oral sex! Applejack: Well, I guess I could stay a BIT longer. [boom crash] (In a flurry of confusion, the front door was kicked down as a bright rainbow rushes in and a figure in silver armor dressed with rainbow hair holding a sword in her hoof holding in a defense mode as she gets between Applejack and Blue Grass.) Rainbow Dash: Sir Applejack! Applejack: Oh, hello. (Rainbow Dash looks back at Applejack) Rainbow Dash: Quick! Applejack: What? Rainbow Dash: Come on lets go, Quick! Applejack: Why? Rainbow Dash: You're in great peril! Blue Grass: No Let her slay us! (As Blue Grass says this he gets closer to Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash realizes this and begins to draw back her sword at Blue Grass) Rainbow Dash: Silence, foul temptor! (Applejack grabs her arm in mid swing) Applejack: Now look, it's ok Rainbow Dash. Rainbow Dash: Quick! Come on and I'll cover your escape! Applejack: Look, I'm fine! Rainbow Dash: Come on! Applejack: Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! Blue Grass: Yes! Let her tackle us single-handed! Stallions: Yes! Tackle us single-handed! Rainbow Dash: No, Rainbow Dash, come on! (Fed up with the arguing Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash grabs Applejack and begins to drag her out of the castle) Applejack: No, really, honestly, I can go back and handle this lot easily! Blue Grass: Oh, yes, she can handle us easily. Stallions: Yes, yes! Applejack: Wait! I can defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them! Blue Grass: Yes, yes, she'll beat us easily, we haven't a chance. Stallions: Yes, yes. (Rainbow Dash Finally gets Applejack out the castle then she lets go and flies towards the door and pulls it back up and kicks the door to break it closed.) [boom] Blue Grass: Oh, *squee!*. [outside the castle] (Rainbow Dash then returns to Applejack who has a pissed look on her face.) Rainbow Dash: Looks like I was in the nick of time, you were in great peril. Applejack: I don't think I was. Rainbow Dash: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril. Applejack: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Rainbow Dash: No, it's too perilous. Applejack: Look, I'm a knight, I'm supposed to get as much peril as I can. Rainbow Dash: No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! Applejack: Well, let me have just a little bit of peril? Rainbow Dash: No, it's unhealthy. Applejack: Bet you're gay! (Rainbow Dash looked shocked and hurt at Applejack.) Rainbow Dash: No, I'm not. Narrative Interlude 2 Spike: Sir Rainbow Dash had saved Sir Applejack from almost certain temptation, but they were still no nearer the Holy Grail. Meanwhile, Queen Celestia and Sir Twilight, not more than a owls's flight away, had discovered something. (Pauses for a bit) Spike: Oh, that's an unladen owl's flight, obviously. I mean, they were more than two laden owl's flights away -- four, really, if they hadn't a strand of line between them. I mean, if the owls were walking and dragging-- (Twilight walks up and puts her hoof to her face.) Twilight: Dang it Spike, Get on with it! NARRATOR: Oh, anyway, on to scene twenty-four, which is a awesome scene with some great acting, in which Princess Celestia... (Twilight nudged Spike) Twilight: Queen, Spike, Queen. Spike: Oh yeah right, Queen Celestia, discovers a vital clue, in which there aren't any owls, although I think you can hear a starling... (Twilight smacks Spike in the back of the head.) Spike: Oww Twilight, that really hurt. What was that for? Twilight: You know what you did. (Then Twilight walked away.) Scene 24 Old Man is played by: Salty (In their quest Queen Celestia and Sir Twilight made their way to a hut where they are talking to an old stallion who knows how to find the Holy Grail. The two walk into the hut and sit down on the other side of the fire pit in the hut facing the old stallion.) Salty: Ah, hee he he ha! Queen Celestia: And this enchanter of whom you speak, she has seen the grail? Salty: Ha ha he he he he! Queen Celestia: Where does she live? Old Stallion, where does she live? Salty: She knows of a cave, a cave which no pony has entered. Queen Celestia: And the Grail... The Grail is there? Salty: Very much danger, for beyond the cave lies the Gorge of Eternal Peril, which no pony has ever crossed. Queen Celestia: But the Grail! Where is the Grail!? Salty: Seek you the Bridge of Death. Queen Celestia: The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail? Salty: Hee hee ha ha! (at that instant the fire in between the three grew bright and Celestia and Twilight now find themselves in the midst of a forest.) Scene 25 The Man knight of Nee will be played by Pinkie Pie. The other various knights of nee will be played by the cutie mark crusaders, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo. (While walking through the forest that the two have just appeared in, Queen Celestia and Sir Twilight begin to see things moving in the woods around them. They begin to become slightly scared. All of the sudden, Celestia and Twilight are surround by a really tall knight, three small knights and around five crudely made knight, that were made out of twigs and soup cans.) Pinkie Pie: Nee! Various little ponies in armor: Nee! Nee! Nee! Queen Celestia: Who are you? Pinkie Pie: We are the Knights Who Say... Nee! Queen Celestia: No! Not the Knights Who Say Nee! Pinkie Pie: The same! Twilight: Who are they? Pinkie Pie: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Nee, Ping, and Nee-wom! Scootaloo: Nee-wom! Queen Celestia : Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! Pinkie Pie: The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice! Queen Celestia: Knights of Nee, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. Pinkie Pie: Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Queen Celestia and Sir Twilight: Oh, ow! Pinkie Pie: We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us. Queen Celestia: Well, what is it you want? Pinkie Pie: We want... a party... I mean, a shrubbery! [dramatic chord] Queen Celestia: A what? Pinkie Pie: Nee! Nee! Queen Celestia and Sir Twilight: Oh, ow! Queen Celestia: Please, please! No more! We shall find a shrubbery. Pinkie Pie: You must return here with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive! Queen Celestia: O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. Apple Bloom: One that looks nice. Pinkie Pie: Oh yes. Queen Celestia: Of course. Sweetie Belle: And not too expensive. Pinkie Pie: oh, thats good. Queen Celestia: Yes. Pinkie Pie: Now... go!
Thanks guys Im about to post scene 2 and 3 on here soon. Well I posted up the comment section for this thread but it may show up later. Sorry it wasn't up earlier for some reason something was going on with my account, but I think its fixed now. Ok Scene 2 and 3 coming up.
Lol I really wish I could put up the pics but it says only ten pics are allowed the way i re did it.....oh well near the end I will fix it with all the pics....The next scene coming up.... Is the Tale of Brave Sir Fluttershy
Yay for update. Another update to this fan fiction.....Scene's 9 & 10 are up I suggest you read them and let me know what you think....I think youll be happy with whats happening
alright I know its been a while but here is an update...Yay for scene 11 tell me what you think. Thanks
Alright, got bored in class and decided to upload another at the bottom of the huge post.... Spike and Twilight present the Narrative Interlude before going into Scene 24 which is a smashing scene...lol lets just see what happens. let me know what you think. I love all types of criticism.
Awesome, I love Monty Python and The Holy Grail but turned into Pony its that much more amazing, nice job.
alright, scene 24 which is quite lovely and scene 25 are now added. Lol comment what you think let me know I love all the feedback everyone is giving.
THE HOLY HAND GRENADE SO THAT I MAY BLOW THINE ENEMIES TO TINY BITS!!! Count to 3 and dont go over that number. 1..2..5 3 ITS 3..3. I loved that part in the movie and here.
Ive got a lot of messages asking me when am I going to finish updating this fanfic... well shortly sorry with senior seminar and other classes Ive been swamped. But hopefully I will at least get another scene or so added on by wednesday... Lol wish me luck also if you would like to see my other works and fanfic message me and I'll give you the link. Thanks
