Once Upon a Time

Author's Note: Blame the EPR chat...
[Random][Shipping][Adventure][Guttermind][David Tennant's glasses][Seriously This is Ridiculous][Why Did I Write This?][I Swear I Can Write Better Than This][...Then Again, So Could Anyone]

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Once Upon a Time…there were ponies. Marshmallowy, magical equines of a small stature. They were all adorable, although perhaps the most adorablest was Fluttershy the pegasus. Remember that, because it may or may not be important to the story later on. [size=+3]FORESHADOWING!!!!![/size]

Speaking of the yellow-furred pegasus, she was reviewing Rainbow Dash's instructions on how to make a good cheer. "Lots of control, screaming and hollering, and passion." So Harley came up and gutterminded what Fluttershy was saying. Suddenly Raptor Jesus walked in and was all “What came first, the Scootaloo or the egg?”

Rainbow Dash was sick of all this bullboop!, so she flew up high and then straight down at full speed, performing the sonic rainboom. It was SO AWESOME that everypony in Equestria suddenly became RainbowDashsexual for about ten seconds. That is, except the ponies who were already RainbowDashsexual.

The TARDIS somehow ended up in the pony universe and arrived in Equestria. David Tennant stepped out and he was wearing his glasses (-POMF!- Gawd dangit! Just a second...alright, there we go!) and raised one of his brows at the unfamiliar creatures around him.

Fluttershy walked over and, seeing Rainbow flying around after the rainboom, shyly cheered, “[size=-3]yay~[/size]”. Everypony (and Time Lord) nearby d’awwed at her, while everypony in the entire world suddenly d’awwed as well, without knowing why. For at least that one second, all was right with the world

Seeing the sixth paragraph was beginning, Pinkie Pie bounced in cheerfully. “Y’know what this calls for?” She asked.

Rainbow Dash flew down and guessed, “A party?”

Pinkie Pie stared at her in awe, “Rainbow Dash…how did you know? Can…can you read my mind?”

Rainbow raised a brow, and went to reply with a sarcastic quip (perhaps “Oh, I don’t know, maybe ‘cause it’s your answer to everything?”), only for Pinkie to suddenly jump up, wrap her forelegs around Rainbow’s neck, and kiss her passionately. Harley and Fluttershy squee’d at the sight, the Doctor was too busy waving his sonic screwdriver around to really notice, and the author felt proud of himself.

Breaking the kiss, Pinkie beamed, “That was fun!”

Rainbow Dash, wings incredibly stiff at this point, fell to the ground, a goofy grin on her face. “Hehheh…”

The rest of the Elements of Harmony—Twilight, Applejack, and Rarity, in case you forgot—walked over, mostly so I can say all of the mane six appear in this fic. Twilight asked, “What the devil is going on here?”, and the author suddenly remembered he has to watch the rest of A Very Potter Sequel sometime. But, that’s a story for another day…

Fluttershy smiled…shyly, “Oh, um, well…” and she went on to tell Twilight what had just happened. I’m too lazy to type it all out. Plus, it’d be redundant, wouldn’t it? You already know what happened, you just read it all. Unless you randomly skipped to this part, but really, who DOES that?

Applejack looked at Harley and raised a brow, “Who’n the hay are you supposed to be?”

Harley, however, was still giggling at Rainbow’s wingboner. You can’t blame her, though.

Rarity just huffed at all this, obviously bemused by all the immaturity. “Honestly, Rainbow Dash, why are you lying on the ground like that?”

“Huh?” Rainbow Dash blinked dazedly, shaking her head. “Oh…r-right, I was just, uh…” She flapped her wings so she was quickly standing.

Suddenly Nightmare Moon appeared! How? Um...I dunno', magic, I guess.

Everypony gasped, “Nightmare Moon?!” Harley briefly considered a superflyingtackleglomphug, but decided against it.

“But Princess Luna is over there!” Twilight pointed in another direction, and everypony looked over to see Luna rolling around in the grass, wearing socks and being generally adorable (although, not as adorable as Fluttershy, but that goes without saying, no?).

“I am not Princess Luna! For you see, I do not need a host any longer! I’m more powerful now than I ever was!” Nightmare Moon laughed evilly.

“What do you want?!” Twilight asked, putting on a brave face, even though she had no idea what they were going to do.

“I have come…” Nightmare pointed at Rainbow Dash, “for LESBIAN CARWASH!”

Harley gutterminded so hard that everypony near her could feel it. (...Kinda' gutterminded a bit there myself, actually. Hm.)

“wat,” was all Pinchy Punch, Berry Punch’s daughter, could say to that.

“…What?” the Doctor concurred.

“Les—carw—I—what?!” Rainbow Dash yelled. “My NAME is ‘Rainbow Dash’!” Her voice cracked slightly. It was adorable. ...What? You know it's true!

“Oh. Right…anyway, I have decided you will be my minion!” Nightmare twirled her evil moustache—which was actually half of Steven Magnet’s moustache—in an evil manner.

Rainbow just laughed, “Sorry, but I’m the Element of LOYALTY, remember? No way I’d betray my friends and join you!” Nightmare Moon opened her mouth, but Rainbow interrupted, “And if you say something about putting in a good word for me to the Wonderbolts, forget it.”

Nightmare Moon huffed, “Fine, I’ll just have to brainwash you!” Her horn lit up with magic and—Raptor Jesus punched her in the face.

Everyone stared at Nightmare’s unconscious form.

“…Well, that was easy!” Applejack snickered.

“Wow, thanks a lot, Raptor Jesus!” Pinkie giggled, bouncing.

Raptor put on his cool glasses. “Anytime, kid.” With that, he turned and walked into the sunset.

“There goes one cool dinosaur,” Rainbow whistled.

“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh who was suddenly there agreed.

“You know what this calls for?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

Rainbow Dash chuckled, “A party?”

“Nope!” Pinkie smiled seductively, “Another kiss!” She glomped Rainbow Dash, who yelped, only to moan as they started making out. Their friends watched in awe, Fluttershy’s wings shooting up. Harley just watched with a grin, nomming some popcorn.

Rarity cleared her throat awkwardly, “Well, this is…um…an interesting development…”

Applejack shrugged, “Well, at least they’re happy.”

“Yes…yes, I suppose so,” Rarity smiled softly. She still thought it was unladylike to…“make-out” while lying in the grass, but at least she could be happy for her friends.

The Daleks suddenly showed up and kidnapped David…the Doctor…uh, I dunno'...I'm drunk (actually, no, I'm not)…but yeah, he was kidnapped, but none of the ponies really noticed, except Doctor Whooves who hopped into the HARNIS to chase after the Daleks to save his human counterpart.

“Oh, um…Twilight…maybe you should…um…write a letter to the princess now?” Fluttershy spoke, not looking away from Pinkie and Rainbow for even a microsecond.

“Huh?…Oh…right! Spike,” the bookwork turned to her number one assistant, “take a letter, please.”

“Right!” Spike, who was totally there the whole time I swear, pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil out of freakin’ nowhere. Seriously, how does he do that?

Twilight cleared her throat, “Ahem…Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned Nightmare Moon is a big jerk, Rainbow Dash doesn’t like being called Lesbian Carwash, and Raptor Jesus is one cool dude. Also, your sister looks hot—I mean, adorable, in socks. Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle. That should be enough.”

“Twi…light…Spar…kle! Done!” Spike grinned, rolling the letter up. He inhaled, and exhaled magical flames, sending the letter on its way.

“Well, all’s well that ends well!” Applejack shrugged.

Twilight nodded, “Yes, I’d say everything turned out pretty well.” Hearing a throat being cleared, she glanced over, only to jump a bit at the sight of Princess Luna standing beside her, still wearing socks. “P-Princess…?”

“Did I hear something about me looking…‘adorable’, in socks?” Luna’s eyes twinkled.

“Uhhhh…”

Whoa. WHOA. TwiLuna? I think this fanfic is getting a bit too much Author Appeal-y. I should really end this before I lose whatever sanity I have left. Pinkie giggled, “You’re such a silly filly, Element!” HEY! I’m not a filly, I’m—wait…what? Pinkie Pie! The pink party pony giggled some more.

Suddenly Steven Magnet showed up. He went over to the unconscious Nightmare and took the half of his moustache back, even though that half had grown back anyway. Nevertheless, he left with his head held high

“…That was weird,” Rainbow blinked

“So was everything else that’s happened in the past few minutes,” Applejack pointed out. Rainbow shrugged.

Spike shook his head, “Okay, seriously, was there any point to any of this? I mean, Twilight supposedly learned those…lessons…but they’re just silly stuff! I mean, ‘Nightmare Moon is a jerk’? Didn’t we already know that?”

“Aw, Spikey, don’t overthink it,” Pinkie patted him on the head (which she has done in another one of my fics, now that I think about it…). “It’s all just for fun! Why not just look back on everything that just happened, and think to yourself, 'y'know, even if that made no sense, at least it was better than nothing'?”

“Well…okay, I guess,” Spike shrugged. “But I don’t see how any of that has to do with friendship.”

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Inside the royal castle, within Princess Celestia’s room, the princess herself received the letter from Twilight. “Ah, another friendship report from my most faithful student,” she smiled, lifting and opening it with her magic. Reading it, her smile faded. “…Perhaps she’s been hitting the sauce a bit too much…again.” She sighed, putting the letter down. She magically retrieved a blank piece of paper and wrote down the plans for an intervention for Twilight.

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Twilight retorted, “Now Spike, I’m sure that—!” She froze suddenly, her whole body twitching once.

“…You alright, Twi’?” Applejack asked, concerned.

“…”

"Ooo, her whole BODY is twitching!" Pinkie gasped. "There must be a DOOZY!"

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Meanwhile my waifu Octavia played her cello*.

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…Well, anyway, the end! inb4 responses questioning my sanity. And yes, this is just a one-shot. No other chapters are planned, and I doubt there will be a sequel. [size=-3]At least, I hope not...[/size]

*...or whatever that instrument is supposed to be, anyway.