As you would imagine by my natural clueless-ness, I'm new to this site. I have a Fan-Fiction (Unfinished) which I would like some feedback on (I Posted it on FIMFiction, only for it to be ignored ). Opinions are greatly appreciated. Just as an FYI, this is my first MLP Fan-Fiction, so expect A LOT of things to be wrong. P.S, my name on FIMFiction is PrincessLunaOfficial, which explains the name.
Where is the rest of this? I must know now! Seriously this is really good and not knowing the name of the filly is killing me ;-;
I don't really do in-depth reviews since I tend to be considered a low-tier writer. --Some might say your intro is cliched. I, personally, don't care as long as it flows well. --Uncontrollably would sound better, but they're talking while (presumably in between) coughs, so you could say intermittently as another example. the sick mare pleaded between coughs. --lower case as the sentence is continuing. --A comma would function better than a period there. However, it would probably need to be reworded a bit. Those are just a couple quick things I saw. It really depends on whether you care how perfect you want your story to be. My writing tends to get picked apart by reviewers, but I also would like to get something on Equestria Daily some day. They have really... high (double) standards.
