Prologue plus chapter one

Discussion in 'Development Diaries' started by Rashall, Sep 28, 2011.

  1. Rashall

    Rashall Master of the Veil Fire

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2011
    Messages:
    3,829
    Bro hoofs Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Associate at Harborfreight Tools
    Location:
    The Veiled City
    As the Title suggests this is the beginning of Part one ends with chapter one. Please give me feed back I know it seems short but I tried to be a little more descriptive, trust me when I say that chapter two will be more. . . entertaining. Enjoy!!!



    Part One: Ranger
    "We are the pathfinders the wanderers in the dark, we are the rangers of the Eldar. Where we go is of our own will and thought, but know this we shall always come to conflict for it is what we seek out in the bowels of the dark. Only then do we warn you of what is to come if your Seer Council is blind to it, but after these conflicts we range far and wide often times we do so... alone." -Ranger proverb.

    Prologue:
    The Seventh

    "Are you sure that this is a good idea Moondusk?" asked Shadowsun, they headed into the depths of the tower with all do haste while talking at the same time.

    "Yes I am quite sure that this is the correct course of action Shadowsun. My son will have departed these lands by now, but he must never know what element he is until the time is right." replied Moondusk to the Seer. Another wave of artillery hit the tower, the assault still showed no signs of stopping the golems would relentlessly pound the outer walls until they came down. A wave of static rolled over the closed com link until Moondusk could make out any words.

    "This is Amen'Hen to all units fall back to secondary positions now the enemy is inside the outer walls."

    "This is Helios enemies are sited at the side entrance small unit if they break through they will be near the orb! Avenger Squads fall back and protect the queen at once, guardians hold your ground until the last."

    "Lord General Saber here the enemy shall not be victorious as long as a single Imperial wolf stands..."

    "This is Moondusk to all legionary units, scatter at once the pantheon shall protect this place as soon as the ritual is done. Warlocks meet me at the spires top, Amen'Hen get everypony and wolf you can out of there now." said Moondusk to all that could here, an unnatural silence followed.

    "Amen'Hen here, Saber get them all out now evac to the fleets still in orbit I must remain for this is my path." replied Amen'Hen, and in a flash he and his Void Lancers appeared before the queen as she stepped onto the top of the spire.

    "Mam I am not leaving here alive I already know that, for my path has always been thus. I will protect the orb and eventually I will protect your son when he discovers the truth. I am the eternal, I am the guardian of those who I serve, and thus my life is forfit." said Amen'Hen with a look the beckoned no argument.
    "Very well exarch you will be the last guardian this stone will ever have. When my son Rashall finds it protect him until you are destroyed only then will your soul know true peace." said the queen. The exarch simply nodded accepting his fate and knowing that he was to become the last of the most ancient of all Eldar, that of the Wraithlords his squad would become his wraithguard ever vigilant for the darkness that was unfolding itself across so many nations.


    Years afterwards nopony knew what had happened on that fateful night other than the queen had vanished along with the stone and Amen'Hen and his Void Lancer squad. They had been sealed away in separate vaults awaiting the return of the queens son. Over time a new nation formed over the sites of the long lost battles and as such they passed from history, perhaps it was for the best. A great city was then erected near where the stone was laid to rest and it was soon surrounded by a maze, a coincidence, or is it what fate had in store for it? None shall ever know, but one thing is for sure when Discord escaped into the world and the elements of harmony were used the stone woke and events where set in motion that would change the face of Equestria for years to come.

    Many leagues away a silver colored pony walked alone, his home now destroyed and his family and friends either gone to the pantheon or scattered to those nations who had declared neutrality. He walked the path of the wanderer, and now he had one more reason to be alone, he was the last of the Eldar lords. His name is Rashall Firemane and unknown to him his path is just beginning. For this is his story and his alone, or is it? For fate can be such a fickle thing.

    Chapter One: Friends in a Strange land.

    The day had opened up warm, but now a low over hang of clouds. The trail had gone cold, or at least for now it had, Rashall looked up into the sky and saw some pegasus ponies starting to clear the clouds away. He smiled for a split second until he noticed that the trail he had been following picked up a little ways down the trail, he hurried until he saw that the trail ended at a village.
    "Oh no!" said Rashall, the foe that he was tracking was a demon named Bearekos. Bearekos normally just played tricks on ponies, but he had a tendency to do something truly evil from time to time. And a peaceful town is just the sort of place to wreak havoc, Rashall noticed however that Bearekos had unleashed his shades to do all of his dirty work and he knew that his mere presence would drive them away, for they feared the Eldar especially Rashall since he was the last Eldar High Lord. Rashall made his way into ponyville though he did not know the name of it at the time and sure enough the shades hurried away into the forest never to be seen again, now to get Bearekos to come forth.

    Twilight and Fluttershy had just bought some apples from their friend Applejack and were about to go and find somewhere to eat them when they heard commotion coming from the opposite direction. Twilight noticed that everypony was looking at a new arrival, but not even Pinkie would approach him.

    "Who is that?" asked Fluttershy in a nervous tone.

    "I do not know, but why is everypony so afraid of him?" asked Twilight, only to be answered moments later by Applejack running after the mysterious pony in question.

    "Apparently he stole some apples from her cart." said Lyra answering Twilights question. The mystery pony looked to be cornered by Applejack.

    "I got you now." said Applejack.

    "Or at least you think so... Applejack, you should truly listen more closely to your sister for she has information of the utmost importance." said the stranger in an even tone that suggested that he had done nothing wrong, but what made Applejack pause was the fact that the stranger knew her name!!!Needless to say instead of listening to the stranger Applejack ran at him, and to the surprise of all he simply backed into the shadows and disappeared without a trace.
    "Sis you should really listen to me like he said." said Applebloom approaching her sister, she had something in her mouth that made it hard for her to speak.

    "Fine what is it Applebloom?" asked Applejack with a hint of irritation in her voice, but she listened none the less. Applebloom spat out two pents and continued, "I saw him put these on the stand before turning around and leaving. You should really look before you accuse somepony of doing something that they did not do." said Applebloom.

    Applejack looked around for the pony she had accused, but could not find him and in turn she felt guilty of accusing him so soon, in fact she felt just awful about the whole ordeal.

    "See when we open our eyes then and only then will the truth of others words unfold. No apologies are necessary Applejack it was nothing but a simple misunderstanding." said Rashall appearing in-between Fluttershy and Twilight. Fluttershy screamed and cringed in fear while Twilight looked at the stranger closely for the first time, only that all that she could see were his eyes which were a light blue, but there was something else there too.

    "Oh I am sorry I did not mean to scare you, it just happens to me at the oddest of times. Here let me help you up and why don't you tell me your name for future reference eh?" said Rashall as he assisted Fluttershy back onto her hooves.
    "My names Fluttershy, and thank you for the assistance." said Fluttershy in a soft tone.

    "Nice to meet your acquaintance Fluttershy now where is your friend Rainbow Dash?" asked the new pony.

    "I'm here, what do you want newcomer?" said Rainbowdash in a challenging tone.

    "Oh just to warn you that you will be needed to help put a sudden rainstorm together for this evening, I would get on it if I were you. All other ponies I would suggest you get ready for one heck of a storm. Twilight if you would take me to your house please there are two ponies I need to talk to that are taking up residence there." said the strange pony, all the other ponies looked at him dumbfounded until Rainbow returned saying that what he had said was the truth.

    When they entered the library that was Twilights home Rashall simply smiled and turned to where the two ponies he had expected to be there were looking through some books with the help of Spike.
    "Odd for a warrior priest to be here in times of peace old friend." said Rashall, both of the ponies ears perked up at his voice. Twilight, now joined by her friends watched in curiosity at what was happening.

    "Rashall!!! It is good to see you again friend." said Corvus, he and Rashall exchanged a hug of friendship before bowing to each other.

    "How are you Corvus long has it been since those happier days when we became friends." said Rashall in response.

    "Rashall Firemane, it has been too long young one, you are well I hope?" said the older brown stallion.

    "Yes I am fine Wolf-n-Mane, though the quarry I was seeking has escaped me and I predict that he will show himself today when the storm is at its climax. I would like you and Corvus to ensure that all of the windows and doors besides the main entrance are barred and covered with upholstery so that nopony can look in or out. You other nine I would ask that you all stay here this may..." Rashall was cut off by three cries for help coming from outside, it seemed as though the storm had started early.

    "If you excuse me." said Rashall as he stepped outside, where he saw three young fillies huddled under an overhang, but what caught his attention was a dark shape slowly walking towards them.

    "Bearekos!!! Leave those fillies alone or face my wrath you demonic filth!!" said Rashall with venom in his words. These words cut through the storm and caught the demon full in the chest which sent him flying backwards, he got back up looking at the pony that had done it and noticed that the eyes he looked into where those of an Eldar lord. For you see the eldar learn from an extremely young age how to use words of power which enable them to use magic even if they are not unicorns, and the wrath of an Eldar high lord is to be feared above all others especially if he is the last of his kind for then his magic is tenfold stronger than that of any alicorn or unicorn.

    Bearekos could not even utter a word as he was that scared of the wrath of the eldar staring at him, he looked at the three fillies and then back at the eldar lord. Raising a solemn finger he pointed to one of the fillies, before being consumed by the eldar's rage and hatred. Bearekos was once again banished from the world of the living knowing full well never to mess with the eldar again.

    Rashall ran to the side of the filly that had been struck by the cursed bolt, she was still alive, but just barely. He told the other two to follow him while he carried the third himself.

    When the pony named Rashall entered the library again he quickly told the other three fillies and the other ponies to try and calm the two that had come with him.

    "My pack!!!" Rashall quickly grabbed it from outside he then turned to the door and said, "Na-vas!" and the door closed shut.
    After rummaging through his pack Rashall found the container that held his favorite broth and gave instructions to Wolf-n-Mane to prepare enough for everypony there, he then went over to the injured fillies side and said some odd words that seemed to comfort the pony.

    "She will make it, she will make it." said Rashall with a sigh of relief.

    "How do you know that she will make it?" said one of the fillies that had come in with him.

    "What is your name young one and what is the name of your friend here?" asked Rashall in response.

    "My name is Katerina and this is my friend Suntide that's our friend Hocus." said Katerina pointing out Suntide to her left.

    "My name is Rashall Firemane, you must not worry about your friend she will be just fine, you must believe that she will be fine." said Rashall.

    "Broth's ready." said Wolf-n-Mane, he was standing in the doorway of the kitchen with a platter balanced over his back, and soon enough everypony was enjoying Rashall's own travel made broth.
    After this it was decided that they all get some sleep as it had been a very tiring day for them all.
     
  2. Echoax

    Echoax Greed Probably
    Wizard

    Cutie Mark:
    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    20,506
    Bro hoofs Received:
    2
    Location:
    Kenithson
    Neat, I like this Rashall fellow. He can use words as a type of weapon, it is certainly not something I would have come up. He can also fall into and out of shadows, how cool is that.


    I will eagerly be waiting for the next chapter.
     
  3. Rashall

    Rashall Master of the Veil Fire

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2011
    Messages:
    3,829
    Bro hoofs Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Associate at Harborfreight Tools
    Location:
    The Veiled City
    Thank you for the reply it was hastily put together I had to be at class in like an hour and I have a twenty minute commute depending on traffic so yeah. Also Rashall can travel along shadows and if he does not want to be noticed he vanishes from site, here's where it gets a bit technical, his cloak is a camoline cloak that the rangers use. Basically it is a cloak of invisibility and no that is not from harry potter its from Warhammer 40k, when he needs to activate it he simply utters a word and pulls the cloak tighter around himself.

    oh and a little quote that I remember fondly from Dawn of War "Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment." I dont mean anything by it just wanted to throw it out there.
     
    #3 Rashall, Sep 28, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2011
  4. Grey Knightmare

    Grey Knightmare Founder (Retired)

    Cutie Mark:
    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2011
    Messages:
    2,575
    Bro hoofs Received:
    0
    It looks good, it'd probably be an idea to call it something more specific though.. Part 1, Chapter One and Prologue of what exactly?
    A title often entices a reader, remember that :)
     
  5. Echoax

    Echoax Greed Probably
    Wizard

    Cutie Mark:
    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2011
    Messages:
    20,506
    Bro hoofs Received:
    2
    Location:
    Kenithson
    I get enticed by anything. He could call it. "Story". That's more then enough to get me to read something, but I cool fancy title couldn't hurt.
     
  6. Rashall

    Rashall Master of the Veil Fire

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2011
    Messages:
    3,829
    Bro hoofs Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Associate at Harborfreight Tools
    Location:
    The Veiled City
    I will remember that next time when I finally finish this chapter, and yep this chapter has more coming to it, though chapter's two and three may surprise some people. Oh and thank you again for the feedback!!!

    Oh I am in need of some ideas with the title, just give it your best shot from what you have read. I do have some ideas, but I think it would be cool if you guys gave me some titles that way if I find one I like it would either be incorporated as the title or tweaked in order to fit. Anyways I just like hearing from other people might get my mind straight on an actual title, do not worry I have some I am working with, but again I would love some ideas.
     
    #6 Rashall, Sep 30, 2011
    Last edited: Sep 30, 2011

Share This Page